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Breaking News
The Retirement of an Innovative Clown
No Need for Charging Stations for Electric Cars
Advice Column – Ask a Kindergarten Teacher
A Popular Diet Fad From the 1980’s is Making a Comeback
The Professional
New Age of NBA Recruiting
Ask An MMA Fighter
Moon Hotel
Prime Time Driving
NCAA Pays To Play – NIL Floodgates Are Open
Cupcake Weight Loss
Facebook Now has Scratch and Sniff Prank Pages
Pardon the Teachers
New Covid Shot
#1 Thing to Say
Ask a Boxer
Who Needs Ozempic® To Get Skinny?
FDA States that Eating Fried Foods is Good
Manscape Recall for All Major Brands
Spade and Neuter Clinics for Kids
Remote Work Has Tragically Affected Pant Sales
Steve Bannon Opens up Hot Dog Stand in Mississippi
Arkansas is Allowing Razor Blades in Apples on Halloween
In an Effort to Boost Sales, Tide Makes Big Change to Tide Pods
New Housing Laws in California
To Curb Mounting Losses and Revive the Brand, Disney Turns to Yet Another Former CEO
Newspaper Business is Back
Viagra Has Other Uses
An All Animal Petting Zoo
Seattle Police Now Hiring Mimes
Little League World Series to Sign NIL Deal after dominating MLB in the Ratings
Groundbreaking New Study Confirms Climate Change is to Blame for Everything
Magical Mishaps: One Woman Dead After Illusion Gets All Too Real
Canada Statehood Picking Up Momentum
Rob Lowe is Going Vegan…..Remotely!
AI Just Wrote the Blueprint on How to Roll out AI
Fantasy Football Teams Adding Taylor Swift
Chicago Bears Suffer Massive Team Layoff!
Target is Proud to Open New Locations in Walmart
Better Than Stun Gun
Ain’t Gonna Work Today!
Lemonade Stands Being Replaced with Covid Test Kits
Taylor Swift Made a Rookie Mistake
Leaving La Vida (Ari)zona
Conversion?
NFL Players Leaving the League Due to Fantasy Draft
Matthew McConaughey Filed a Restraining Order Against Himself
Flu Shots Administered in Your Head on Halloween
Major Hotel Chains Enact New Guest Policy
Ask a 1950’s Movie Starlette
Rupert Murdoch Stepping Down as Chair of Fox and News Corp….
Placebo
Dog in Pound Insists That It’s Actually a Man in a Suit
Your Child’s Progress Report
AMAZON CEO WANTS NO MORE REMOTE WORK
MAN SCRAMBLES TO SAVE DATE AS INTERNET GOES DOWN
INNOCENT BYSTANDERS GET GREAT FOOTAGE AS CRIME COMMITTED
Tour of Italy
It’s Your Fault! No, It’s YOUR Fault
Yellow Snow is State and Federally Legal in Connecticut
Bill Gates to Release New Genetically Modified Organisms to Help with Species Control
Mike Babcock Resigns as Head Coach from Blue Jackets
Medical Profession is Evolving
Reasons for The Writers Strike
Happy Halloween
GOP Governors Confuse Climate Change with Gender Identity
Chik-Fil-A Now Open on Sundays
Legal in Duluth Minnesota to Microwave Your Head During Winter Months
All Streaming Channels Go Remote
Harbaugh Quits Coaching
Nurse Betty Knows Everything
Tom Cruise Starts New Religion
Man Stuck in Bathroom Stall is Being Rescued
Arizona Coyotes Moving?
Air Rifle Kelly
Fans Keep Spelling the “Pittsburgh Stealers” Wrong
Hole in the Great Wall
Publicly Traded Tech Company Invests in Private Equity
Daylight Savings Time
GOP Governors Confuse Climate Change with Gender Identity
Aaron Rogers Determined to Play with Crutches
Bears Have Only Been Playing 8 Players on The Field
If You Like Yellowstone, Don’t Miss This One!
Genital Recognition Helps with Cyber Security
Update: Donald Trump Turns Himself in, Admits to Espionage
Chicago Bears Demoted
9/11
Harvey Weinstein Granted Immediate Transfer After Successful Transition Surgery
Psychic
Donald Trump Probing for Criminal Opportunities to Pad Arrest Record Statistics
Unemployment on The Rise
Rob Lowe and Lobbyist Creating New Pedestrian Legislation
College Sports Go From “NCAA” to “NCA”
Euthanasia Legal in Some States to Be Used on Only A-holes
Jonas Brothers Are Not Brothers….Not Even Adopted….Investigation Continues!
New Law Allows for Fat People to Call People Fat in Public
Joey Chestnut Choking Last Night
Longevity Scientists
NFL Startling Last-Minute Partnership
Bald Men Recently Discover They Have No Forehead
New Book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People”
Daycare Betting
Yale Raises 15 Billion Dollars and Quits Giving Degrees
Poor Bastard is Having Twins
Breaking News….Santa Clause is Fake!
Burning Man Plans to Ignite “Real Neanderthal Man”
John Deere Makes Major Move
National Payroll Appreciation Week
Fighting Kids
Rare Moment of Unity in the Park between Opposing Political Parties
New Policy at Hotels
Chicago Bears Decided to Use Draft Picks From Fantasy Football
Incredible Losing Streak Continues, Now at 40 Years of Futility for Local Plumber
Former President Trump Under Fire Again after Billionaire Discovered Living Rent Free
Food Samples no Longer Free…..Cryogenics Now Comes at a Cost!
Death of an Unpopular Poet
“First Time Driver” Car Goes To Market
Blind Bus Tour
Coo, Coo, Ca-choo: Where Have You Gone Morganna the Kissing Bandit?
Pool Guards Go on Strike
Weekend At Bernie’s: The Elder Years Starring Mitch McConnell
Family Feud Fraud
Evolution of Autonomous Cars Takes Off
LinkedIn “Job Lotteries”
New Commercial High-Rise in San Francisco is Virtually All Bathrooms
Jeff Spicoli Takes Charge of California Finances
Nabisco Makes Huge Move into New Market
New Hernia Test Introduced by Dr. Harry
Blind Surgical Medical School
Shohei Ohtani Sweepstakes
Garage Job
Chinese Zoo
You Can Now Mortgage Your Gas
A Summer of Wildfires
Elon Musk Buys Entire Alphabet
In Effort to curb Fentanyl crisis, Big Pharma introduces New Super Drug Oxycotton
Taco Bell Partners with Buffalo Wild Wings for New Stomach Medicine
Ask A Person with Attention Deficit Disorder
Life Coach
Baby Tooth Birth
Swifties
The State of California is No Longer Bankrupt
Rain Pryor LIVE in Baltimore!
We Celebrate the Talents of Bill Dawes!
“GPS Challenge” Tech to be Unveiled at CES
Aaron Rogers Claims He Can Grow a Mustache on His Back
Sustainable Aviation Fuel Made from Pee
“Futbol” Will Now be Called Soccer For Good!
Haugen Dazz wins first Nnnual Vegan Horse Riding Championship
SP (Sober Public) Opens its Doors to Members
RUL vs NIL
Tackling Prohibited in The NFL Starting This Season
Remote Sex Education Courses Educating the Youth
Doughboy
Doctors Warn Against TikTok Trend of Parents Teaching Kids to Drink From the Toilet
Baby Tooth Gives Birth
Tiger Mini
Matthew McConaughey Admits to Faking his Texas Accent
Preparation H Releases New Flavors, Chocolate, Strawberry, and Menthol
Doctors Believe They Have New Miracle Cure for PTSD and Depression in Males
New Mega Billions Conference – OPAC 4+
Jenny Craig Adds New Meals to Cater to Body Positive Market
AI Chatbot Declares All Employees to Be Terminated
TikTok Changes Formats
Fireman Fired for Drinking Water
To Protest Capitalism, Generation Z Leaving Corporate World in Droves to Become Brand Ambassadors
Ponzi Scheme
TSA Changing Rules at Airports
Federal Reserve Promises They’ve Really Got it This Time
To fight flailing ratings NBC goes all in on new reality show Roman Gladiators
The Economy Remains Stagnant
Tiger Woods Quits Golf
THIS DAY IN SPORTS HISTORY
Dad of The Year 10 Years in A Row!
Masking Tape and Scotch Tape Companies to Combine Forces: Mock Tape
Time Machine
Menendez Brothers Admit They are Not Brothers
Ask an Astrologer
Shooter McGavin Still Searching for First Gold Jacket 27 Years Later
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. Named Co-Presidents of Menda
Burger Wars Continue
Lady Win’s $2B in Lottery and Shouts “I am giving none of this to charity”
Bill Gates Asks Kahn Academy Founder if He Ever Took Math
Trump to Clone Himself using AI
It’s a Cruel Summer – leaving me alone on here my own.
Esports Hockey is Real!
Advertisement: Pescaumptatilomine
Surgeons Will Now be Working Remotely
Britney Griner Opens New Vape Shop
Group of Disillusioned People Bring Class-Action Lawsuit Against the Mayans
Thumb Wrestling to Become Olympic Sport
Allen Iverson Suing All of the AI Companies…..”Talkin’ About Practice”
“No Noise For Anyone Podcast” Gains in Popularity
McDonalds No Longer Serves Fries
Elon and Zuckerberg Fight Triggers World Record Discovery
National Institute of Health Issues $10M Grant to “Big” Study
Dog Sniffer
“AI Computer Program QUITS Because It’s Sick of Doing All The Work for These Lazy Fucking Humans.”
NFL Season Starts
THIS DAY IN SPORTS HISTORY
Women Peeing Standing Up
MLB Rule Changes
SCIENTISTS BAFFLED BY ANNUAL OUTBREAK OF ANCIENT STOMACH AFFLICTION
We’re Getting The Band Back Together
Ted Lasso Spinoff Coming to Apple TV +
Justice Thomas Sells Naming Rights to Supreme Court
PLEASE SUPPORT THE ACTORS AND WRITERS DURING THIS TOUGH TIME!
Attention Deficit Disorder
G-D NON-COMMITTAL ON RETURN TO EARTH
MAN ACCIDENTALLY SENDS DICK PICK TO OWN WIFE
Cooties Are No Longer a Myth
BEAT
SCIENTISTS ISOLATE GENE FOR HEALTHY SMOKING
Doctors no Longer Need an MD
AMAZON MAKES BIG ANNOUNCEMENT
Mega Problems
Walmart Banned Greeters
Tiny Crystal Elephants
Tap Water is Outlawed in the US
Uber Adventures Launches
AI Genital Readers
The Rest of My Life
Proctologist Profession Cutting Back
Medicine… Schmedicine
Rod Stewart Now Combs His Hair
Dahmer is Still Alive
Secrecy in All Branches of The US Military Unveiled
Pee-Wee’s Sandwich
Rising Real Estate Prices Paints a Positive Picture for Huts
MLB Has Instituted Players Have to Throw with Opposite Arm
Things to NEVER Say to Rob Lowe
Amtrak Announces “Crying”Caboose Section on Trains
Bill Dawes Makes Us Laugh……
Lie Detector
High Winds Causing Damage Across the US
Lance Armstrong is Legalizing Doping in Cycling
Weed is No Longer Legal in California
Double “O”
Throttle
Chicago Bears Forced To Change Their Name
Are You Ready, Sports Fans?
Best Advice Ever
World Taekwondo Federation 6 years later
Summer Heat Challenges The World
TSA Has New Regulations
Rob Magnotti is The Best!!
You No Longer Need a Drivers License in the US
Ronald McDonald’s Bloody Nose is Bad
Jonathan Kesselman is Celebrated at MPL!
The Sun Went Up for Sale
Ask a 90-Year-Old Man
NYSE Now Opens Later
Airlines Change Policies
The Best Commencement Speech at Harvard
Extreme Heat Poses Danger Across the US
Tom Cruise Death Wish
The Pentagon Makes A Big Decision
In Your Facebook
Private Parts go Public…….
The Challenges of Ocean Levels
Writer Rob Kutner Has Made Many of Us Laugh…….
Ahhh..Beer from Boston
We Love Bill Dawes!
Camp “Early Riser” Launches Next Summer
A New Hat in the Ring
Penus Ken
Tom Green Helps Assisted Living Facilities with Bingo
NRA is Legalizing Squirt Guns
Freedom of Speech is Going Away
Restaurant Twin Peaks Opens Changing Rooms for Bra Collections
Pot Sobriety Test
Cheap Family
Starbucks Considers Not Carrying Coffee
Enron Corporate is No Longer Serving Drinks (of any kind)
Jonah Hill is Having All of his Tattoos Removed
Conan O’Brien is a Legit Speed Skater
Actors Strike Has Changed the Game
VR Lawsuit
Guilt!!
Why The Writers’ Strike Began and Will End
College Football Season is Canceled, “Protect The Penis” Movement Starts (Endorsed by Athletic Supporter Ventures)
All-Star Baseball – A New Kind of Game
Testosterone Makes Men Too Manly
TBT with Tom Green
The Popularity of Soccer and Tom Green
Ask A Recently Divorced Man
Alternative Parenting Style Works
Northwestern and Hazing in the News
Amstrong
WE LOVE ROB KUTNER AND IS NEW BOOK “SNOT GOBLINS and OTHER TASTELESS TALES”
How The Writers Strike Started
Yushivoo University Admitting Catholic Students
Bath Balls
30 Years Ago and Going!
We Celebrate Jonathan Kesselman
LePickleball
Crazy Glue has New Applications
Loss Prevention Department Stolen
Vegas Trip
Celebrating Jonathan Kesselman and a Masterclass on Masterclass!
Celebrating Tom Green…Genius!
Oscar Mayer Markets Party Hat’s for Your Weiner
Nonsleep Pills
“The Other Two” on HBO presents Bill Dawes!!
Summer of Oych
“Hammerberg”
OJ sings Paul Simon
Moe Berg’s Nephew Al Berg
Take Off Your Clothes
Deadly Pet Store
Happy 4th from MPL!
Tom Brady is Fat
Rob Lowe Married Ms. Piggy
OCD
Business Consultant
Montana High Schools Change Rules for Students
Professional Sports Fold
Birds and Bee’s at Middle School
Ask A 1980’s Valley Girl
Anti HOA
Shyamalan’s Brother
Kareem Abdul Jabar is Back in Training
Alternatives to Breast Milk
Secret Service or Secret Staff?
Magic 8 Ball
Hairy Situation
Stupid Laws Volume 2.0
Mars wins FIFA bid for World Cup in 2030
It’s The Celebration of Our Nation
Oych or Pei Wei?
Charlie Sheen Starts MLB Expansion League
Stanley Tucci Makes Big Changes
Rob Lowes Stand In
Chicago Classic Big Al’s Sold to Venture Capital Group
Titan Voyage Gone Wrong
Drivers From Chicago Suburbs Get Chance to Enter NASCAR’s Race
Porno Puppets
Athletic Supporters Needed in Little League
Rob Lowe Beat Up Stanley Tucci
Father’s Day
Kid Bull Riding
HAPPY FATHERS DAY
Ask A Delta Iota Kappa Fraternity Brother
The Future
CRAZY-CON – 3 DAYS ONLY!!!
The Oych Gland
Uncanceled Island
The End Of The Tour
Library Drive Thru
Eating too Much
MPL Makes People Laugh
Long Gap Year
Ted Kaczynski and Jeffery Dahmer…..Divine Intervention
Big Dick Beer
Health and Life longevity
Kid Bull Riding
Nude Mall
Ask A Salesman…
Pete Rose Opens New Casino “Cincy Dice”
The Ferris Wheel Finds Its Way in New Places
Do Fake Stuff on Reality TV
Happy B-Day Dylan from MPL!
Little Mermaid Sluggish at Box Office
Move Over Mouse!
Lap Seats
Shaq is Back!
PGA Rules Change Again
Jimmy Carter Decided He Wants to Live Forever
Sambergecillan
Rob Lowe Invented Celery
Tom Cruise…Extreme Hide and Go Seek
Adult Diapers
Mikey Died from Peanuts not Pop Rocks…….
Ask a High School Guidance Counselor…
The Wrong Jeong
New Gum Launches
On the Take
Banned Books for Sale
AI Makes Odd Predictions
AAPI Month Highlights upcoming documentary “What’s Wrong with Dong?”
Scarred
It’s Magic
Tonsilitis Not Real
Stand Off Ends Safely
Missing Man Found in Wrigley Field Scoreboard
Hearing Things
Teenager Grows into Baby Status
Enjoy the View
Hand Lotion Shortage
Allergy Clinic Forms Partnership with M&M’s
OJ Returns to The NFL!
Pie Vs. Charts
All National Alcohol Brands are Removing Alcohol Content
Ask An 18-Year-Old Teenage Girl
Body Hair Placement
Token Asian Character releases tell-all
That Debt Ceiling Feeling
Artificial Stupidity
Avoiding Cyber Threats
Buffets Are Back
Robert Wadlow Lied
Corn….Poop….?????
Peanut Butter Murder
Cold Calling!
AI Until Death
Perfect AI (Attendance Initiative)
Dead Funeral Director Directs
Bigger Belly Button at 40 +
It’s Pointy
Things to Never Say if You are White
What Your Sign Says About You (Part 1 of 3)
OYCH The Beginning
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