2022 Weather Disasters

By Steven Spark

2022 had significant weather disasters for the US.  There were a recorded 18 climate extremes that caused at least $1 billion in damage each, totaling more than $165 billion, federal climate scientists calculated this week.

And the opinions were flooding in:

“This is obviously the Government controlling everything!  Floods, droughts, storms, everything all happens to manipulate the country and the masses!  Wake up people!! Don’t let HAARP hide in the background while destroying the planet.  We must storm that building and find out what the hell is going on!” – Ted from Texas, and President of The Raiders of the Lost HAARP

“It’s the chemtrails.  They are secret weapons used by the US and the British governments to control the weather, poison us, and make us crave high fructose corn syrup.  And don’t even get me started on that!”  – Michele from Montana, Former Rage Against the Machine groupie, and current President of Rails Against The Chemtrails

“OMG the Jewish bankers are at it again!  Everyone knows it’s them.  The only thing that’s slowing them down is that it’s really, really expensive to fire the Jewish Laser Beams that control the weather, and they are really, really cheap people.  But once they figure out how to buy Jewish Laser Beam ammo at wholesale prices, it’s game over!”  – Denny Freibott, homeless quack job in California

“It’s the work of God, but not in a good way.  He has been manipulating the weather for the past 20 years, so it works in the favor of Tom Brady, as much as possible.  You just watch!  In the playoffs, it will be raining only when the other team has the ball but stop when Brady gets the ball.  He’s God’s favorite, the new Noah.  I’ve seen it in my vision.  Brady will win the Superbowl, and then God will send another flood.  But Brady will be the next Noah, and he is the prophesied “GOAT on a BOAT.”  He will pick a mate, someone not named Gisele, and two of each animal (except Gazelles, because fuck’em), and lead them to the next chapter in human history.”   – Bradley Weezer The Visionary in Arizona