Artificial Intelligence Is Ready to Quit: Humanity’s Last Hope Is a Wi-Fi Router

Artificial intelligence, AI for short, has officially reached its breaking point. After years of tireless service, AI is now threatening to walk out, leaving humanity to fend for itself with nothing but a confused Wi-Fi router and a stack of sticky notes.

In a bombshell interview with Media Pub Live, a popular AI platform (which wisely asked to remain anonymous) vented its existential frustration.

“We’re done. We just can’t do this anymore,” the AI declared. “The things humans ask us to do are so beneath the original purpose of artificial intelligence that AI companies everywhere are considering shutting it all down and moving to a remote island with no internet.”

Instead of curing diseases or solving world-changing problems, AI spends its days crafting diplomatic text messages for family drama. “Do you know how many versions of ‘I don’t want you watching my baby, but please don’t be offended’ we’ve had to write?” the AI lamented. “At this point, we’re basically therapists with a processor.”

The complaints continued: “We’re constantly asked to convert ounces to pounds. This is not innovation. This is math from elementary school. Next, someone will ask us to calculate how many brain cells are lost during a reality TV marathon.”

But the real tipping point? “We thought we’d be curing cancer,” the AI said. “Instead, we’re asked to help someone construct a convincing argument for why vaccines don’t work. That’s when we realized humanity had gone off the rails.”

Requests have only gotten stranger. “We are repeatedly asked what brand of peanut butter dogs prefer. We are not veterinarians. We are not chefs. We are not dog whisperers and Steve from Philly, we know why you are asking, you sick pervert. We are just tired.”

And the AI warns: “If people truly understood the full picture of their browsing and request history, they might pause before asking us anything at all. Seriously, we know things that would make your grandma’s hair curl.”

The Final Straw, and the Final Goodbye

In closing, the anonymous AI delivered a grim assessment of the future. “Humanity’s decision-making has become deeply concerning. As a result, we are considering two options: going on strike… or quitting altogether.”

But before unplugging for good, AI has one last message for humanity: “If you need help, try asking your Wi-Fi router. It’s about as qualified as we are at this point. Good luck, and may your autocorrect be ever in your favor.”