A New Hat in the Ring

The countdown for the next Presidential Election has begun. And there are so many candidates vying for the position of POTUS that we have a gigantic, convoluted pool of politicians in the running.

Chris Christie continues to fall in popularity trying to overcome the Republican base. Joe Biden’s approval rating is just a tad above 40%. Mike Pence continues to campaign with the personality of a piece of Wonder bread. Ron DeSantis continues his attack on Disney, LBGTQ+, and everyone that doesn’t fall into his base of ex-Trumpers. Asa Hutchinson continues to attempt to give his speeches while constantly being drowned out by boos and jeering. And the ex-POTUS; twice impeached, twice indicted, Mr. Trump, looks like he might be campaigning from a jail cell.

So, what are we going to do, America? Who will step up? Who is going to get the opportunity to run this great land of ours.

That is the very thought of a new candidate from a new party. Wesley “Shots” Radcliff. Wesley spent 7 years at Arizona State University majoring in Political Science, later graduating from Mesa Community College after failing to meet the criteria necessary to graduate from ASU. He has a little political experience, as he was the President of Sigma Nu fraternity and dubbed the “Mayor of Mill Avenue” in 2018.

He held his first press conference at the Vine Bar and Grill in Tempe, Arizona this past weekend representing his independent faction known as the “Amazeballs Party.”  Here is a partial transcript from question-and-answer session from the Press at the event:

Danny Jacobs (CNN): Mr. Radcliff. You have not been very clear on your view of Roe V. Wade. What is your opinion concerning pro-life proponents?

Radcliff: I am very pro-life. I believe that everyone should respect lives in all stages.

Cynthia Fox (ABC News): You have also spoken out concerning your own experiences with abortion. Could you elaborate?

Radcliff: Well. When I was 19, I got my girlfriend pregnant. I was like, NO WAY I can handle this at 19. So, I made her get an abortion. It was definitely for the best. I don’t remember her name, but she thought it was a good move, too.

Danny Jacobs (CNN): Isn’t that a HUGE contradiction?

Radcliff: Whatever, Dude. Jealous much? Next question. You. Blonde in the halter-top.

Sandy Wurster (MSNBC): You’ve made statements on Gun Control but have not been very clear. You have said, “Guns are very cool. They are in the Constitution. If it’s in there, it’s legal. So, guns are legal.” That isn’t much of a stance on the issue. Could you elaborate?

Radcliff: Oh. Damn. I thought you’d ask something cooler than that. Well, I have a gun. And it’s my right according to the law. I am a very legal person. I don’t have, like, a machine gun, like in the old timey gangster movies. But it’s a pretty cool gun. I think everyone should have a gun. Unless you’re against guns. If you’re against guns, speak up. I mean, get it off your chest. Don’t hold it in. Speak your peace. Don’t hold back. But if you like guns, make sure people know about it. Just because someone else doesn’t like guns doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. Right?

Sandy Wurster (MSNBC): So, are you for or against gun control?

Radcliff: If you have a gun, control yourself. I can’t do it for you.

Leon Bravo (FOX News): There have been many people that say you are not experienced enough in a political realm to even think about running for president. How do you react to their opinion that you should not hold the office of POTUS?

Radcliff: Listen. I’m running for President. Not POTUS, whatever that is. Don’t come in here trying to throw made up shit or foreign words at me to try to pull me into a confusing conversation. You don’t get to ask anymore questions. Next. You in the gray jacket. Excellent jacket, by the way.

Nigel Rourke (CBS News): Thank you. On the war in Ukraine. President Biden heavily supports Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Former President Trump is very high on Vladimir Putin. He has called Putin “ruthless” “genius” and “savvy.” However, Russia is clearly losing more troops and has incurred severely more damage than the much smaller country that they have invaded. Where do you stand on the War in Ukraine?

Radcliff: On my feet. Just kidding. Still can’t get over that sweet jacket! Listen. Why can’t we all get along? Isn’t that what Don King Jr. said? If I am elected president, I will go over there and hold a meeting between Zelsky and Pudan and make them sit down and hash it out. You get two guys that don’t like each other, put them in a room, lock the door for an hour. Fists will be thrown, insults will fly, blood will spill. But you know what? 90% of the time those guys will be buying each other beers at the end of it all. Amazing that Trump and Biden never thought to do this. It’s so simple, it’s stupid. Got to think out of the box, Man.

Jel Michaels (MediaPub.Live): What would be your first undertaking if elected as President?

Radcliff: Well, after I throw the biggest bash on earth, I am going to legalize pot, lower the drinking age to 18, make the work week 4-days, raise minimum wage $30/hour, make sure that everyone pays the same taxes across the board, make sure every person is the United States gets free healthcare, lower mortgage rates to 2% and lock it in for 25-years, forgive 75% of all student debt, and guarantee teachers a minimum salary of $90,000 per year.

(Got my vote!)