A Popular Diet Fad From the 1980’s is Making a Comeback

Anyone who lived through the 1980’s will tell you, it was a wild time. Neon and spandex were everywhere, the Delorean roared into popular culture, and American cinema was reaching new heights. It was also the era of excess, as people jumped on every passing fad in hopes of accomplishing all kinds of feats. One of the most popular fads in the 80’s was dieting, and the most successful and controversial diet at the time was nicknamed ‘The Three C’s diet’. ‘The Three C’s’ was favored by icons like Kelly LeBrock and later Kate Moss, it was Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler’s secret to fitting in women’s clothes, and it was adopted by every single person who wanted to be cool. So what is ‘The Three C’s’ diet? Coffee, cigarettes, and cocaine interchangeably and indiscriminately consumed at various intervals throughout the day. The science behind the diet is simple; the caffeine in the coffee and the stimulant properties in cocaine provide enough energy for you to power through long days with little to no food. The java beans also provide 2.4 calories per cup, with a healthy 118 mg of Potassium. Moreover, the caffeine also acts as an appetite suppressant in conjunction with the nicotine in the cigarettes, significantly reducing your desire to eat. It’s essentially the Holy Triumvirate of not wanting or needing to eat, while having enough artificial energy to actively participate in your daily life. With ‘the Three C’s’ diet people conquered Wall Street, became big time movie stars, and generally ran the world. They also had bad breath, heart attacks, and breakdowns. And now, the diet is making a healthy comeback with young people thanks to Tik Tok and social media. More and more kids had already taken up smoking and coffee drinking during recess to cope with the rigors of the social media world, and cocaine has proliferated school yards, allowing them to get an early start on the ‘the Three C’s’. As a result, teachers have reported greater participation in the mornings, while conversely afternoon classes have become a tense affair. Thanks to Tik Tok and other social media platforms, kids are able to instantly glorify and share their experiences with people around the world, which has fueled the explosion of popularity for the diet. #TikToksfromthetoilet was trending for quite some time, because people have been spending more time evacuating their bowels thanks to ‘the Three C’s’. The hashtag was praised by the MSM for it’s expression of vulnerability through humor. Big Tobacco and Big Coffee have also reported massive spikes in sales, and they’re both expecting to have their most profitable quarter in decades. It looks like ‘The Three C’s’ might be here to stay, which is sure to have dentists and doctors everywhere rubbing their hands in eager anticipation, as tobacco, coffee, and cocaine cartels celebrate all the way to the bank. But at least America, and especially it’s youths, will be looking slim and trim and ready for the runway.