Ain’t Gonna Work Today!

Do you ever have THOSE days? The ones where you just don’t want to get out of bed and go to work. You’re not sick. You feel fine. It’s just that work is not going to fit into your plans today. Well, everyone uses the same old excuses that our bosses listen to and basically say, “Yeah right.” Then you’re under the microscope and feel that the watchful eye of Big Brother is looking over your shoulder waiting for the next time you play hooky. Well, here are the Top 10 best excuses to use the next time you are just not up to the task. (They are sure to work because I guarantee they have not been used before.)

1. Grandma tried to poison me AGAIN.
2. I have to go to the doctor. My Psychic said that she sees a tumor forming in my brain.
3. I had a death in the family. My wife’s uncle’s stepson’s turtle died, and I am a pallbearer.
4. I have to get the dead body smell out of my trunk.
5. I hooked up with a girl last night and woke up in a bathtub full of ice with a missing kidney.
6. I thought National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day was a Federal Holiday.
7. I hit the lottery and have to drive to Houston to collect my $12.00.
8. Don’t ask me how, but I woke up in Wisconsin this morning.
9. The cops picked me up last night accusing me of murder… AGAIN!
10. Diarrhea!