Air Rifle Kelly

After a fairly quiet year, Megan Fox’s one hit wonder of a toothpick has had his Machine Gun nickname taken away.  Machine Gun Kelly, the overly waif, hyper tattooed seedling of a human, will now go by the more than appropriate moniker, Air Rifle Kelly.

His agent spoke on his behalf.  “For starters, his real name is Colson.  Last I checked, there are no badass mofo’s named Colson.  While the world is aware that MGK is indeed his stage name, his disappearance in the public eye, and his single radio hit, does not allow him to keep something as strong and as powerful as a Machine Gun. We believe Air Rifle will help him create a booming Disney or Nickelodeon career.”  Colson agrees.

Witnesses in Hollywood have seen Air Rifle Kelly physically blown over and having major coughing fits during a downpour, suggesting he was choking on rain and puddle water, which somehow ended up in his mouth while tripping over a simple curb.

To add insult to injury, it has been discovered that all of Colson’s tattoos are three week, ‘long lasting’ sticker tattoos.  Also, according to credit card records, he ordered multiple pack of these identical stickers, that were apparently licked onto him by his mini poodle ‘Bubbie.’ There is little hope that Colson recovers from this moniker demotion.  We wish him and all future one hit wonders the best as he enters the ‘B,’ movie circuit upon the completion of the writers strike.

Air Rifle Kelly, rock on with your bad self, and a ‘pew pew,’ to you.