All National Alcohol Brands are Removing Alcohol Content

After further discussion with all leading alcohol brands, they have each decided to remove the alcohol content from all products. This is a major shift for companies in the wine and spirits industry. John Soberinski, business executive, had this to say, “Look, I use to love getting shit faced….actually I still do when everyone is asleep…..however, inflation has changed the game….by removing the alcohol content, we reduce unit cost thus passing savings to customers….additionally, we have added placenta from the birth of children…usually that shit gets thrown away…we have found a way to put in the booze…..yeah, really fnnn odd…..however, high protein content and helps with weight loss…..mainly because people are barfing their brains out drinking this shit….revenue is back up!”