An All Animal Petting Zoo

Americas first and only all-inclusive petting zoo is having major issues. Ft. Worth’s Big Zoo Experience has had nonstop issues since it opened two months ago. Owner and CEO Paul Hellman explained the nightmare scenario’s, “at first, I was so excited to open a zoo where everyone could pet the animals regardless of the size and or danger they presented. The first nightmare was trying to hire an attorney to put together our legal forms to absolve us of any liability, no one seemed to want to take on this amazing job. Then PETA got involved because they heard we wanted to keep our animals semi-sedated, and they did not like that idea. So, against our better judgement we decided no sedation, so we could avoid controversy. We had a problem because we charged more for people who wanted to visit our zoo but just watch from a tree perch. You would also think that are biggest problem is with our lion’s den or even our crocodile pit, but no, it’s always the elephant exhibit. Whole no one has died this week, sure three people have been maimed and 2 people semi crushed and are in a coma at the local hospital, but they all signed our waivers. The biggest nightmare of all is hiring janitors, you wouldn’t believe how many janitors we have lost, all but 3 quit (rest their souls).”

We asked a former janitor Jeff Wilson about his experience, and he said, “It’s not about cleaning up the body parts, that is the easy part, it’s getting the blood and guts off of everything all while trying not to get killed. Sure, the pay was great, but no company would give me life insurance when they found out what I did for a living and boy did that piss off my wife, she was the one who encouraged me to take the job. This is also the first job I had to sign a waiver for, and you would think being stepped on by a baby elephant would hurt but try getting whacked by a pissed off giraffe’s neck, I couldn’t work for days.”