Arizona Coyotes Stadium Hunting Again

The Coyotes arrived in Phoenix back in 1996 and have continually been faced with management changes and now stadium location challenges. The team has struggled to put together a Lord Stanley type team. Today, they sit at the bottom of the ranks and struggle to have a permanent stadium.

Currently the Coyotes are playing at the ASU hockey stadium, Mullet Arena. Far from the size of an NHL stadium with a max of 5000 seats. Sadly, the Coyotes can’t even fill the stadium. However, it has been noticed there is 7000 people packed in the men’s bathroom giving kids wedgies. In fact, the stadium is now considering an extension to the current stadium to accommodate the popularity of these bathroom events. The coyotes can only get 12 people in the stadium and 3 of the 12 are season ticketholders. Of those 3, each of them won a contest on the radio for those season tickets. Grim situation to say the least.

One ASU student had this to say, “I honestly never get to the Yotes games……but I have given 47 kids wedgies and one kid claims he can’t pee anymore…..I feel horrible…..horrible about it being hilarious if anything!”. Another student chimed in and said, “I have had several wedgies at the Mullet Center… I can’ think of a finer facility to be humiliated and get great food….yeah, the chicken fingers are amazing……I just hope I can go to the next game and give a wedgy to my grandpa….would be the best thing for that grouchy piece of sh@#@$@#!”

After 2022, The Coyotes will be forced once again in 2023 to find a new stadium. A ton of new options have opened. Some guy named Bill Samsonite has volunteered for the Coyotes to play in his backyard. His yard holds 7 people, and he has been seen selling season tickets for his yard. “I know damn well I can get 7 people back there…the issue is it’s to damn hot in AZ…..screw it…..let’s make this work.” The team is exploring this option and to put a stop to all the wedgies happening at the stadium. We could not get Gary Bettman the commissioner to comment since he recently made a massive investment in Hanes underwear. He did have this to say 3 weeks ago, “Have you seen the margins on underwear….holy crap….finally I am in the right business and new pants….I was sick of getting wedgies most of my life and most recently at stadium in Tempe!”