Ask a 1950’s Movie Starlette

Our guest Advice Columnist this week is Martha Wren Boygesian. Martha has been in 187 movies dating from 1951 to 1959, She hails from Boise, Idaho and now lives in Yorba Linda, California. She lives in a spacious double wide trailer with her parakeet, Sir Lawrence Olivier, and her 3 cats, Bette Davis, Mae West, and Anthony Hopkins.

Andrea S. – Gulfport, Mississippi: I have been working at the Treasure Bay Casino and Hotel – Biloxi (located right next to Gulfport) for 3 years. I deal Blackjack and I am a part-time showgirl in the showroom spectacular “Nude Beauties on Parade”. The show has been closed down for 7 months now, but they say it will be returning soon. That was 4 months ago. So, I am just a regular old Blackjack dealer right now. Customers tell me all of the time that I am very nice looking and ask what I am doing dealing Blackjack when I could be doing other things based on my good looks. I am thinking about moving to Las Vegas to see if the City of Sin will offer me more opportunities. They seem quite limited here in Biloxi. Do you think I should take the leap? I am only 25 years old, and I am single with no serious ties to Mississippi. Do you think that my considering moving to Sin City is a worthwhile risk?

Andrea. You remind me of me in 1954 when I played the part of Restaurant Patron #3 in the movie, A Sous Chef In Love. I was spectacular! It was one of my greatest performances. The director of the film, Charles C. Joneston, told me that he had never seen someone eat a pasta dish in the background like I did. It was a major part of my Hollywood career. When trying out for the part, the Producer, Robert Smales Jr., told me that he wasn’t sure that I was right for the part. That is when I took MY leap of faith. And let me tell you, Andrea, a blow job is worth a million hand jobs. Needless to see, he was more than happy to give me the part. At 25-years-old, you most likely will have to whore yourself out a bit… but reap the rewards from it.

Cynthia B. – Bozeman, Montana: There is nothing I like more than riding horses. And Bozeman is the perfect place to live in for my passion. My boyfriend lives in Idaho. We have had a long-distance relationship for 9 months and he just asked me to marry him. I want to say yes, but I don’t want to leave Bozeman. He works in Seattle for a large accounting firm. So, moving to Montana is out of the question for him. I am starting to second guess his proposal. Do you think I should move and be with him, or stay and look for love locally?

Cynthia. This is a tough decision. It reminds me of the movie Horse Drawn Love in which I co-starred back in 1952. I played Neighbor #2. I did not get a credit in the movie, but definitely stole the show. Once, when the cameras were not filming, or so I thought, one of the horses had an erection. I couldn’t help but stare. Jason Thomas Lee, the Director of the film, said to me, “It’s not that impressive… I can show you why.” He escorted me back to his trailer like a true gentleman would and unzipped his pants elegantly and with class. Little did I know he had a cameraman filming our love tryst through the rear window of the trailer. When he showed the film to the cast and crew, I just laughed and laughed. I was spectacular. And it actually led me to earning 2 extra lines in the movie. The moral that I am trying to explain is, stay near your horses and someone with a huge penis will eventually come along.

Nancy L. – Rancho Cucamonga, California: I am a professional Golfer. I have been playing Golf ever since I was 8 years old. I am now 34, married, and I have 2 kids. I am not at the top of my game anymore, but I still make a nice living. My husband is actually my Golf Coach. We have put together a nice little nest egg and are contemplating retirement so we do not have to do so much traveling anymore. I just hate being away from the kids so much. I am on the road so much. At 34 years old, I think there are so many other things I could be doing. I have many hobbies that can turn into professional careers. But then I think about the other golfers I know that are in their 40’s, 50’s, and even 60’s that still play spectacularly. Is 34 too young to retire from the sport I love? My children are very young, so being on the road for another few years may not be so bad. I would still get to enjoy the better parts of their lives. Or am I being selfish?

Nancy. I can’t tell you how many times I thought of giving up acting to be with the children. Although I have no children of my own, being around children has always made me very happy. It reminds me of the movie I co-starred in in 1957. Annie Get Your Crayons. I played Kindergarten Teacher #2. I enjoyed being around the children very much. My main role was writing on a chalkboard in the classroom. Of course, back then, most of us could not read, so I was basically scribbling on the board. The star of the film, Jesse Von Shupervon, asked me if I needed any help one day after filming. He said that he could help me with a few letters to make my role more realistic. We went to his trailer where he showed me some techniques to remember and copy letters. He showed me the letter “N” by pointing to his nose. He showed me the letter “L” by pointing to his lips. After sliding off his slacks, he pointed to his penis to show me the letter “P”. And he then turned over on the bed and showed me the letter “A” by stroking his ass. He told me the letter “E” was the first letter of the word “eat.” He then said we would put some letters together, for example, “E” and “A”. He said, “Eat my Ass”. I did, and it was wonderful. I went back to his trailer every day and he eventually helped me learn to read. A truly refined man, indeed. It helped me bring true life experience to the role I was playing as I learned to write full words on the chalkboard, because it truly is all about the children.