Ask An 18-Year-Old Teenage Girl

Our Advice Columnist this week is Tammi Wicks. Tammi is a Senior at Marlborough All Girls Private School.  An independent college-preparatory secondary school for girls in the Hancock Park neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. Tammi is Class President. Captain of the Debate Club. And she is also the Founder of the Party/Dance/Festival committee at the school.

Laura L – Glendale, AZ – I just bought a 2015 Nissan Sentra. It was just perfect for me… when I bought it. I have had it for 6 ½ months. In that time, I have had a tire blow out, my engine light won’t turn off, there’s an oil leak, my taillights stopped working, and now my transmission is causing the car to not always start and is not reliable to go into reverse. I have contacted the used car dealership that I bought it from, but they are ignoring me like the plague. They say that this is my fault for not maintaining the car. What should I do?

Laura. OMG! I know exactly how you feel. Like, when my dad told me that I couldn’t use the car last Friday, it was the same thing. I was like, WTF! It’s the same as having a car that didn’t work, right? I was like, how am I supposed to get anywhere. There was a big party at Jessie’s house, and I had to, like, walk all the way up the street, like 3 blocks, in heels to get there. When I got there, I told Mitzy, like, what my dad did to me, and she was, like, FFS, what is your dad’s damage? Why would he do that? So uncool! I just think you should get a new car. Like a corvette or a Lambo. They are super cool. They’re cheap, too. My uncle has, like, 4 of them, and a Hummer. They’re only like $5,000 or something, I think. Just get a new one and ditch the bummer car. 

Bruce S. – Louisville, KY – I have a neighbor that is so inconsiderate. He lets his dog out all night, and that fuzzball never stops barking. He plays music in his house so loud that it sounds like it is coming from my living room. His kids are horrible. They have rock fights in my yard and have broken my windows before. When I tell him he has to pay for it, he tells me that it’s the other kids that did it, not his. So, I should call my homeowners insurance. His yard is a disgrace. I don’t think he has mowed his lawn in years. And he routinely sits in a lawn chair in the middle of the front yard with his big-ass belly on display, drinking beer and listening to music at 1,000 decibels. How do I get this under control?

Bruce. That totally sucks. My English Teacher, who we call “Mr. Hippie,” is such a goober. He is always listening to the Grateful Dead in his ear buds. You can literally hear the music he plays it so loud. I don’t even know who the Grateful Dead is. I don’t do Heavy Metal. I LOVE Taylor Swift. OMG! When she came here, tickets were, like, $1,750 apiece for the front row. I was like, STFU! That is so cheap! How can I not go? It was a loud concert, so we moved away from the front of the stage. She is so cool. And so pretty. Sometimes, I guess, like, it is worth it to play the music loud. But not always. And I have a Yorkie that barks all the time, too. It’s like she is trying to talk. I swear, she is like a human. She thinks she is my human baby. She is really cute, too. I always have her in little dog sweaters. I swear, she loves them. She, like, barks at me until I put one on her. Your neighbor sounds like a douche. Just move. It’s not worth a fight. Like, you can always find better neighbors if you move. 

Mitch P. – Gulfport, MS – I swear that Gulfport and Biloxi have become insane tourist towns with all of the casinos here now. We have so many people here that our beaches are completely overrun by families and tourists that completely disrespect our beautiful sandy water spots. There is so much garbage left in the sand now. It’s horrible. When I go to the beach, I am always picking up litter. When I see someone leaving their garbage when they are leaving, I always either yell at them to pick it up or confront them physically to clean it up. I am becoming very bitter. I want my clean beach back. Is there anyone I can contact about this? Who do I go to? What steps should I take?

Mitch. All I can say is TGIF! You will get to chill this weekend whether it is on the beach or not. What is Gulfport. Is that one of the casinos? My mother LOVES to go to Vegas and gamble. Like, once she stayed up for, like, three days gambling. I swear, I think she almost lost $200,000. But, you know, just don’t lose what you can’t afford, right? That’s what my dad always says. He’s in Vegas a lot when he goes out of town. I swear, it’s like he’s never home. Bummer for me. He is always bringing me things from his trips. But I so, like, IDC. Just get me stuff while you’re here, right? I hate it when he is always gone. BTW, my mom is so having an affair. Like, we all know. But I’m sure my dad is, too. LOL. It’s such a joke. You should just move to Cali. We have so many great, clean beaches. Totally ditch Golf Ball, Missouri and come here. Like, the babes are better, too. Especially on the beach. My mom won’t even let me go out in a bikini, though. But IDC. I totally have an Instagram where I totally show off my bod. YOLO!