Ask an EXTREMELY Politically Correct Person

Julia Taglia, from Oakland, California, is our guest Advice Columnist this week. Julia is a person that has been lobbying for Political Correctness in America for decades. Julia is determined to make the United States a “100% equal and safe place for all persons that live here”. Julia works as a Greeter at Walmart on the weekends and manufactures protest signs from her home during the week.

Larry P. – Flushing, New York: I have been in Banking for over 40 years. I have helped to finance businesses, large and small. I have set up mortgages from $50,000 to $3.5 Million. I have even been part of a buy-out of a Major League Baseball team. With this economy, it has become so hard to fund loans because so many people have so little collateral, aren’t making enough money to secure what they are intending to borrow, or just have horrible credit. In the day and age of so many companies set up to offer credit delinquency settlement for those that can’t pay their bills, more and more people are looking for money to rob Peter to pay Paul. People get upset when the inevitable answer is “No”. But what am I supposed to do? I can’t snap my fingers and create better credit for them or make money come out of my ass for them. I am being told now by my employer that I have to be more sensitive to people’s feelings when they do not get what they are looking for. What would you suggest that I do to make people feel better (I guess) when I have to give them bad news?

Larry. You are in an industry of pirates and criminals. All persons should have the same opportunity to get what they need. People like you cower to the rich. If I weren’t so anti-death penalty, I would say that you should be put to death. Even though that is what I want to say, I won’t. All persons, good and bad, deserve to live. Collateral should be based on what people are, not what they have. If a person is good, they deserve your help. I may not have a car, or a checking account, or my own home (I live with my sister… who is always telling me to “get a real job” and “stop mooching off of the family.” But that is a different conversation), but don’t I deserve what I need? I am a good person. I don’t waste food. I don’t use electricity whenever I can. I bathe very rarely to conserve water. I do not pollute the air with aerosol and high-chemical deodorants and perfumes. I don’t waste precious metals by using needless razors for things like shaving my legs. I won’t use laundry detergents to simply pollute reservoirs with dirt from my own clothes. That is my dirt. I accumulated it on my clothes. That is my responsibility. I won’t pass it on to water-dwelling creatures as wastewater. We are all equal, Larry! You need to stop judging people on what they have. You need to start accepting people for who they are. And have a little sympathy… PLEASE! Who the Hell can afford an 8.135% 30-year loan? With an average IRA only accumulating 1.87% over a 24-month investment in conservative commodities, you have a lot of nerve shunning people that are trying to pay off my damn VISA card that is charging me 23.65% interest and won’t even increase my damn limit a lousy $300 so I can get a new bike. I’m friggin’ tired of walking everywhere, Larry! Just be a better person. Give away more pens or something. God knows banks love their logoed friggin’ pens. 

Anthony D. – Cicero, Illinois: My wife has been a high school teacher for 35 years. Well, this will be her 35^th year. She has tenure. Her pension is ready to go when she decides to call it quits. I have been retired for 2 years, and I am ready to start living my Golden Years. I am ready to travel and do everything that I worked so hard for all of my life. But I just can’t get her to call it quits. She tells me how much she loves teaching and loves the kids. She is not too fond of the younger generation of teachers coming in, though. She says that they treat it more like a hardship than a career. I tell her that if she doesn’t like the girls coming into her school… quit! But it just falls on deaf ears. Aside from that, she really has no complaints. How can I express to her that I am ready for her to retire so we can start enjoying life after work together? I almost want to tell her that I am going to start traveling with or without her. What do I do?

Anthony. What can you do? Start acting like a decent person. As for the “girls” coming in to teach at her school, I think you mean “persons” coming in to teach. You know, us “girls” have come a long way. We are not just assigned to the kitchen and classrooms anymore. Believe it or not, we have jobs and responsibilities. We don’t just iron your clothes and cook your meals anymore, Anthony. Do you have any idea how many people I say “Hello” to every weekend at Walmart? Thousands! Do you think you could do that? I thought not. My voice is gone by Sunday night. Hot water and lemon. That is my dinner at 8:00 every Sunday just to help my throat. People think Greeters are a Joke. Well, guess what, Anthony… we’re not. Who would say “Hello” to Walmart shoppers if weren’t for people like me? You? No way! I am an integral part of Walmart and damn proud of it! Golden Years? What is so “Golden” about life after work? What is so great about retirement? So, you have a lot of money. I get it. You’re just better than me, I guess. Huh, Anthony? Your spouse… notice I say “spouse,” not “wife,” because she/her/they is not just a title. Your spouse is important. Sounds more important than you, for sure. She/Her/They must be a saint for putting up with you. Go! Go travel. Travel to the end of the world. Fall off the edge. Doesn’t sound like you’ll be missed. Better yet, maybe you’ll meet someone new, and she/he/her/him/they will be as selfish as you are. And good for your spouse that she/her/they loves kids/children/young adults/adolescents/students/learners/knowledge absorbers as much as she/her/they does. She/Her/They sounds like a great person. I was paddled on my ass by my teachers, Anthony. I wasn’t loved by my teachers. “You don’t give any effort Julia!” “Pay attention, Julia!” “Stop touching yourself, Julia!” I had no direction. I wish your spouse was my teacher. You’re an asshole, Anthony. 

Nick G. – Oakland, California: I am at the end of my rope. What used to be a nice neighborhood has turned into a crime-infested, gang-dwelling, drug-laden pit of despair. These kids are ruining my life. I hear gunshots at night. Everybody drives by my house with their windows wide open blasting that damn rap music at 1,000 decibels. I keep my yard clean. I keep my lawn mowed. I make sure my house is clean and up to the best standards, so it is as beautiful as the day I bought it. My wife, God rest her soul, would be losing her mind if she saw what our little piece of heaven has turned into. But these kids walking around with their pants hanging below their asses and smoking reefer in the wide open for everyone to see… it’s becoming too much. The cops don’t even come by my neighborhood anymore. They’ve pretty much written this block off as not worthy of patrolling. I was on the job 41 years. I never saw disrespect like I see from these damn kids around here. I would have arrested every single one of them and made sure they paid proper respect to the residents of this community. I’m not moving! I’ve been here too long. I’m not changing my ways either. I now live alone in a 2-bedroom house and pretty much just keep to myself and stay indoors to not involve myself with anyone outside. Do you suggest anything I can do to make ANY kind of change here?

Nick. That depends. Are you interested in renting out that other room?