Ask An MMA Fighter

This week’s Advice Column is a little different.

Last week LeAndru “Bloody Knuckles” Foster, professional Boxer from Chicago, Illinois, was our guest Advice Columnist. And we were extremely appreciative of his fine work with MPL.

However, only reaching out to the Professional Boxing community did not sit well with Robbie “Mad Dog” Lewandowski.  Lewandowski is a professional MMA Fighter who told us, “Some punch-drunk boxer don’t know no better than I do.”

So, this week’s guest Advice Columnist is Robbie “Mad Dog” Lewandowski. He has requested that he have the same opportunity to give advice to those that Foster reached out to. Alexis from Colorado, Tyler from Maine, and Dennis from Georgia; here is some more advice for you. Care of MMA Fighter, “Mad Dog” Lewandowski. Lewandowski has been fighting professionally for 8 years, coming off of a 9-month lay-off due to a fractured eye socket and a partial skull fracture from his loss to Alek Kuznetsov in January. Being his third skull fracture in battle, Lewandowski told us “third time’s a tumultuously charming one.” 

Alexis G – Manitou Springs, Colorado: I love my car. I mean, I absolutely love my car. It is my pride and joy. Unfortunately, I was laid off from my job last week and am worried that I don’t have enough money to keep up with my payment along with rent and utilities. Plus, other things like food and clothes. I have contacted my bank to find out about a small loan to get by for a little while, but without a job now, and not the greatest credit, I am just not able to get one. I have also tried to renegotiate my car loan for a smaller monthly payment, but that didn’t work either. I am thinking about downsizing to a new/smaller apartment, so I have a smaller rent payment, but I am kind of locked into my lease for another 4 months. Is there anything that you can think of that can help me while I am trying to find another job? I really don’t want to have to give up my car.

Alexis, I love my car too, also, as well. I grew up not having a car, because I was so young. I was not allowed to drive when I was a kid, so I had to wait until I was older to drive. I am sure you can understand tumultuously. The only job I ever have has had is fighting. So, when I started making money fighting, I got a car. And, unequivocally, by then I could drive. But when I wasn’t fighting, I had no money. So, I sold my car. It was not the best car, so I did not mind so much. It was red. I like black cars better. I said to myself, “Get a black car.” So, when I had my next fight, and I got some money, I bought a black car. It was a good car. Better than the red one. Tumultuously better. There are a bunch of girl fighters. Maybe you should fight. You can make money fighting. Then you can get a new car. Maybe a better car than the car you have already. I do not know what color your car is, but I like black the best. Mine was a black car. But now I don’t have a car because I do not see very unequivocally good from my eye that I broke. It hurt bad. But it’s OK now. Thanks for the kind words. I look forward to seeing you fight soon. Good luck. 

Tyler T. – Camden, Maine: My son plays Pop Warner Football. He is 11 years old. And as much as I hate to say this, and I would never tell him this, he is very uncoordinated and just not athletic by any means. But he LOVES Football. I have been trying so hard to get him interested in other hobbies to find something else that he could be passionate about. I’ve bought him a guitar. I’ve tried to teach him Chess. I have been trying to find topics that he may find interesting that he can read books about. But unfortunately, he just has no interest in any of these. What do I do? I am afraid he is going to get seriously injured, or even worse, tormented by other kids for his lack of talent on the field. Am I a bad Father for doing this? Should I just let him keep playing until he discovers his own inadequacies? What do I do? 

Tyler. All sports are good. Actually, Football is almost unequivocally as good as Fighting. I have some sons too, also, as well. They fight. Not each other though. They have not met each other. They live in different parts of the United States of the Americas. One of my sons says he is not my son, but I am unequivocally sure that he is. He is not a very good fighter. I have only met him twice. But I guess he is a wimp because he does not want to fight. His dumb Mom is a lazy-ass woman, unequivocally. I do not know her very well. Her name is Tina, or Meg, or Valorie, or something like that. I have another son that likes Baseball. He is good at it. He is a Thrower. I think that is what he plays. I think he is a Hitter too, also, as well. I know Baseball is not a very hard sport, like Fighting is, but maybe your kid can play Baseball. And you are his Dad. Just tell him what to do. Before my Dad went to prison, he told me, “Fight or you’ll get killed. If you can’t fight, you ain’t my kid.” That meant a lot to me. Tumultuously a lot. If he cannot play Football, make him fight. Or he’ll die. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. More kids should respect their Dads. Teach him to respect you and unequivocally do what you say. My other Dad once said, “If you don’t want to fight that punk that stabbed you, fight me!” And boy did he kick my ass! That was a tumultuous show of respect for sure. OK. I hope you win! 

Dennis B. – Heber Springs, Georgia: My girlfriend and I have vastly different tastes in music. I love classic Rock. KISS, the Stones, the Grateful Dead, Springsteen, etc. She likes Pop. Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and that sort of stuff. I have been trying so hard to explain to her that if it weren’t for Classic Rock and Roll, there wouldn’t be any Pop music. I try to explain that the reason that these Pop artists sample music from Classic Rock stars is because Rock music was the best. A bass, a lead guitar, drums, and a microphone (and sometimes a piano) is what makes a band. Not a guy playing records from other people’s music in the background that these modern “musicians” sing over. I don’t want her to necessarily stop listening to what she likes, but I certainly want her to appreciate the classics. How can I do this in the best way without just telling her she listens to garbage?

I like the Beastie Boys. I tumultuously love RUN DMC. Taylor Swift is really pretty. She goes out with that Football guy now. He is tumultuously lucky. Lady Gaga is ugly. She has two eyes that are not the same size. But I do too, also, as well. I got my eye socket broken in my last fight to this Russian guy, from Russia. Elbow to my eye. Hurt unequivocally. Really unequivocally. The Grateful Dead? What is that? It sounds badass! I like some heavy metal. Are they heavy metal? I don’t know much about Springsteen. I don’t have a lot of Jewish friends. I don’t know a lot of Jewish music. But if you like it, it must be good. And on an unequivocal sidenote, one of my best friends that I spar with is Nathan Levy. He is a Jewish fighter from Israel. He just kicked the shit out of some white supremacist named Nick Fuentes. Google it! It’s tumultuous! My third Dad told me, “Don’t fuck with Israelis! They’ll kick your ass.” Nathan beat that nazi’s head like the drums. Like in music. Right! That is what you need to tell your girlfriend. I hope that helps you find a tumultuous type of music you can agree on. If not, break up. Just kidding. But not really. Be a Man. Do not take her crap. Unless she makes more money than you do. If that is the case, kiss her ass… tumultuously.