BitCandy, 2023 Newest Financial Instrument..is Delicious!

By Jonathan Kesselman (instigated my Rob Kutner)

This week, a new cryptocurrency called Bitcandy, was released. Unlike other “fungible” candies such as: Snickers, Gummy Bears, or liquorice, BitCandy differentiates itself by using blockchain technology. In laycandy terms, Cryptocandies, use this digital system that doesn’t rely on candy stores or traditional retailers to verify transactions. Bitcandy’s block chain is a peer-to-peer system that can enable anyone anywhere to send and receive candy. So, instead of being actual physical candy that can be eaten and enjoyed in the real world, cryptocandies exist purely as digital entries to an online database (or “ledger”) describing specific candies bought and sold. Cryptocandy can be stored in digital “pockets,” and not in actual children’s pockets, where it would melt or lose its delicious flavor.

Additionally, Bitcandy uses encryption to verify transactions. This means advanced coding is involved in storing and transmitting candy between pockets and to public ledgers – which means that your candy is much more secure than if you had the actual candy that could then be stolen and eaten by someone else.  As a real world example of BitCandy in action, this Halloween in Cupertino, CA, trick-or-treaters were delighted to find that instead of sugary treats awaiting them at each door they knocked, they were issued a series of numerical digits that approximated the aforementioned candy. And because no actual physical candy was exchanged, these children found that they had much less stomach aches, sugar crashes, and cavities the week following Halloween.

Wall Street has predicted that Cryptocandies like Bitcandy, will become the hottest financial instrument of Q4, and that a multi-billion dollar digital candy industry will arise from its trading. Already, CTX, the largest cryptocandy exchange, just broke ground on its massive new headquarters in the Bahamas, where they have built a fifty million dollar digital candy factory in which they will produce no actual candy. By using zero resources to produce zero candy, CTX estimates that they will completely reverse all climate change by the year 2027.