Breaking News….Santa Clause is Fake!

The president of the United States and Cabinet put out a national communication indicating that Santa is 100% fake. This will disappoint kids quite a bit, but the federal government wanted to show in good faith they are honest. We spoke with Bill Edoosh who is in charge of all national seasonal events and here is what he had to say, ‘”Look, I always hated the fat bearded bastard….then I realized he was fake..I was 53 at the time…..and on a bunch of shit no kids should be on…..like I said, I was 53 so it was ok…..in any event, we will raise taxes and get the gift slush funding going….Merry Christmas!”