Burger Wars Continue

As McDonald’s has reentered the news for removing its fries from the menu, Burger King has decided to step it up a notch.  With the success of their Impossible Burger incorporated into their menu a few years back, they have decided to make the Impossible Burger experience even more intense.

Starting today, they will now adjust the original Impossible Burger recipe, and replace it with an actual round patio brick, still resembling the burger in color.  The excitement at corporate Burger King is almost palpable.  This burger will also come with a hammer and chisel, along with a stainless-steel dental pick.

The burger will of course be served on the same world class bun that the world knows and loves, along with its usual fresh lettuce and tomato.  The new twist to this burger is not for the faint of heart.  You must have an iron clad stomach, or at least believe that you do, show your dental card when purchasing the burger, or sign a waiver protecting Burger King from being sued on the slight chance you chip a tooth.

A construction worker, Trace Johnson welcomes the change.  “Man, we get so damn hungry on the site, that sometimes the regular burgers just aren’t enough. I’m hopeful, and so is most of the crew, that the new Impossible Burger keeps us full for our 12-14 hour outdoor shifts.

Burger King has even gone one step further in offering a travel size pack of Tums for first time Impossible Burger customers.  “We want them coming back for more, which we ultimately believe they will, but at the same time, we don’t want their whole day thrown off just become the new Impossible Burger may be a bit heavier than what they are used to.”

Have it your way, America.