Camp “Early Riser” Launches Next Summer

As parents realize they don’t want to be parents, a new company started by Mel Bernstein opens called “Camp Early Riser”. The camp is only for 3 and 4 year old’s and starts at 3:45am. We spoke with the camp owner Mel, and here is what he had to say, “We are successful when we don’t get repeat campers….the idea is parents come to use Camp Early Riser when they can’t stand their kids…..we tell them, have your kids come to Early Riser and they will focus on behaving better so they don’t have to come next year…..not going to lie, seeing these annoying pain in the ass kids up that early in the morning is a solid time to put them in sleep deprivation….spin them around in circles to the point where their puke pukes…..and we give them repeat undy grundies every Tuesday (I am lobbying for daily)…this is an opportunity to put a scar so far up their ass they never know they have it…it is like a permanent fisher….you know how painful that shit is…..anyways, kids go once…they beg to never come back….they now behave….problem solved…….and I make 50K per kid…..if you hate your kids, more than happy to be part of the solution!”