Chick Fellatio

A new business will be opening soon in the South, called Chick Fellatio.  They will offer the world’s first drive thru blowjobs!

It’s not clear at this point if it’s a subsidiary of Chick Fil’A, but rumors have been mixed.

The company’s Director of Operations, Ivana Swallow, said the premise will be simple.  “Customers will line up, order from the menu, and then park at one of our 12 stops, be serviced and then happily be on their way.

They will love our menu, which includes:

The Spiffy Lube.  Our quickest item.

The Knob Job.  Good service for a good price.

Return of the Swallows.  Everything a man could want.

Andy Dick.  Our cleanest full service.

The Lewinski.  Our messiest service.

French Fries.  Because I mean, everyone loves Fries.”

The HR Director, Amanda Suckov, said, by the company’s first full year, heads will be rolling.  When asked if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, she would only say, “I don’t know, but you know what I mean.”

She explained that the secret sauce will be the Chick Fellatio Ratio, which is the combination of the best blowjobs ever, and super modern technology.  She declined to explain that in detail but said, “y’all are going to be AMAZED, like it will feel like you are getting blowjobs at NASA, by astronauts.  It will be very technological and robustly mechanizationical.”

Swallow added that Chick Fellatio would be closed on Sundays, so that their employees could attend church.

“I mean we have some decency.  Otherwise, we would be called Heathen Hut or IHOM (International House Of Mancakes).”