Chocolate Factory Explodes in Pennsylvania

There was a big explosion at a chocolate factory in West Reading PA on Friday just before 5pm.  Police Chief Holben stated that the blast leveled one entire building and damaged another.  Some buildings adjacent to the factory moved up to four feet!

The cause of the devastation at the R.M. Palmer Co. plant is still under investigation but they are investigating gas leaks.

Initial statements came flooding in.

Palmer Head of Security said, “It’s very unfortunate yes, but we do have employees sign a waiver when they start work that there could be explosions here and that they could lose their Willys, and wreck their Wonkas.  So they are aware and should always be ready to run for their lives.”

Palmer Director of Operations said, “Well damn this is going to cause more confusion and delay.  What?  You never heard of the R.M. Palmer Co?  Well that’s because we put the ‘late’ in choco’late’.  You never saw our products, because they never got to your stores.  LOL.  But anyways I sure hope they investigate Hershey’s for any funny business regarding this accident.”

Hershey’s PR Manager responded, “First of all we are now nonbinary and our new name is Her/He/She/He’s.  And we at Her/He/She/He’s had nothing to do with the Palmer plant explosion.  We have nothing to say about anything and no opinion on anything.  We are truly nonbinary and nonexplanatory.”

Robert Palmer Jr chimed in with, “For the thousandth time, my dad has nothing to do with this factory.  Or Dove chocolates.  Every year they call me because they want to remake the song as ‘Addicted to Dove.’  Please stop, my dad was addicted to love but allergic to chocolate.”

Actual R.M. Palmer, who is now in his 80s and very confused simply stated, “Who? What?  Palmer?  What do you mean Palmer?  I don’t even know her!”