Cold Calling!

Bill and Mary KoldKawler have remained anonymous for most of their lives, well at least up until now. You may not have heard their names but unless you are deaf or don’t have a phone, you definitely have heard their voice. Bill and Mary are the professional cold callers/marketers for everyone. Bill described the job that him and Mary will be stepping down from after the end of this year, “Mary and I work for everybody and anybody who tries and sells you something over the phone. If you have ever been asked to extend your car’s warranty, I have talked to you or at the very least, you have hung up on me. Believe it or not, Mary and I prefer the quick hang up. We get paid per call and the quicker the call ends the more we make. Probably explains why Mary and and I are so abrupt and to the point. The sound of a click is music to our ears. We never slept and we never wanted to because the more we called the more we made. Ever hear deep breathing on the other line of a cold call? Yeah that was Mary and I having intercourse while making calls. She is one of the few women I know to have sex and make money at the same time but isn’t a prostitute. Well AI has killed another business and we have finally put our phones down, we are no longer needed and now I need to have a conversation about how Mary might still be able to make money while having intercourse, unfortunately for me, I won’t be involved. She actually tried to make money doing phone sex, but she had a problem I termed pre-mature clickulation, where she would get so excited, she would hang up too early.”

We spoke with the Koldkawler’s kids, and they are very happy that they are retiring. Their 28-year-old son Telly said, “After I left the house, I never spoke to them unless I stopped by and even then they would never put down the phone to talk with me or my family. I tried calling them for birthdays holidays or just to say hi, but their phone would always go straight to voice mail. Since they retired, they actually answer the phone and it is nice to hear my parents voices. I do find it weird that my mom is always asking what I am wearing and refers to me as big boy?”