Dog in Pound Insists That It’s Actually a Man in a Suit

Volunteers at the local Dog Pound brought in an unusually large mutt over the weekend, which had no collar and no tags, but did have a rather unique bark. In fact, the facility’s volunteers swear that the dog’s barks were practically muffled English, “It was crazy. I’ve never heard a dog bark like that before. But it sounded like he was saying I’m a man. I’m a man in a suit. I’m a man” said Catherine Box, “I’ve been here seven years, and that’s the wildest bark I’ve ever heard.” None of the workers could identify the dog’s breed, and the Vet was out of town, so the weekend Vet Tech was brought in for an examination. She too, was vexed and unable to identify the dog breed, “It was very peculiar, coarse long hair like a border collie, but nearly the size of a Dane, yet it had the paws of a bulldog. I took a blood sample, and sent it off to the lab. By Wednesday, we’ll know what it is, or was, depending on what the shelter decides to do. I did neuter him though. It was the damnedest thing, his bark sounded just like a human scream. Scared me half to death if I’m being perfectly honest. And they weren’t kidding, his usual bark sounds like ‘I’m a man’. I didn’t believe it until I heard it. Likely swallowed a squeaky toy and just kept going. Poor thing.”  We took a tour of the facility and got a look at the dog in question, whom they’ve affectionately taken to calling Buddy, and he was indeed a massive specimen of indeterminate breed. He also had an extremely awkward and uncoordinated gait for a dog, leading the Vet Tech to believe that he may have been hit by a car while wandering the streets. He seems very well fed though, and the Pound has asked that we reach out to you all; if you’re missing a gigantic, mixed-breed dog, with an incredibly human sounding bark, please come down or call-in to arrange a pickup. After 48 hours, if they do not hear from anyone, the shelter is likely to put Buddy down as they are at max capacity already. The shelter did note that he was very friendly with all types of dogs, and loved belly rubs and a good scratch behind the ears.