Donkey Demand Rises, Worldwide, especially from Colombia

Last night at the Oscar’s, donkeys stole the show away from an obviously fake Cocaine Bear gimmick put on by the academy. Jenny from the film The Banshees of Inisherin came out for a few minutes and the film EO was up for Best International Feature Film. “Jenny” provided a touching moment for the audience, while 6 donkeys who starred in EO provided a 1st Donkey perspective of the world while wandering the countryside.

“Ever since last night, our website has been lit!” said Otto Rosales, importer of mail order donkey brides. “Most inquiries, however, are not matrimonial in nature, but rather for pet adoption. Therefore, we are pivoting our business to offer Donkey harnesses, leashes and saddles.”

“I feel much better that Colombian donkeys who are sent to America, now live with the freedom to choose their future. Whether it is an intimate companionship with undersexed men, or as a certified emotional support animal, they now have the freedom to choose.”

Former Silicon Valley Bank investor, Jack Ashram, chimed in on the latest craze. “Ever since Parks & Recreation’s L’il Sebastian the captivated audiences and created a market for miniature horses, there has not been another guaranteed equine possible of providing the ROI equivalent to that of Filly.” Jack continued, “I’m all in on Otto’s go to market strategy and his plan is paramount to convincing our new owners at the FDIC that we can become liquid again on our own.”