Not really satire.

Not really satire.

Healthcare

Don’t Be a Quitter

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Suicide is not funny and if you or a loved one is considering it, please call or text for help at 988. However, we have uncovered a suicidal story in Omaha Nebraska and wanted to share this with our readers. Senior at Omaha High School, Tommy Almos, tried to take his life after quitting his high school football team. Turns out Tommy Almos never finishes anything, in fact, he is a 3rd year senior and not even scheduled to graduate. He quit the football team just 2 weeks before the playoffs. His Football coach Steve Madder spoke with us about Tommy, “That Tommy is a quitter, he never finishes anything. I had him on our soccer team for almost the whole year and he quit on us. So when Tommy quit on our football team I went off on that kid and told him he was a no good quitter and that he will never be anything in life because he gives up on everything. In hindsight, I probably should not have said that his life was a waste and that he should quit life while he is at it.”

We reached out to Tommy about the decision to take his life and the reason he ultimately did not go through with it. Tommy said, “Everyone always berated me for quitting and it wasn’t until recently that I discovered with the help of a health professional that I suffered from attention deficit disorder. It was my ADD that made me quit, I just lost focus on everything I was doing and wanted to do something else. I lost my mind when my coach Madder told me to quit life and so I became so depressed that I wanted to end my life. I got home and got a rope and then I forgot what I was going to do and so I ended up eating cereal and playing a video game. I then got a text from my coach to remind me to return the uniform and bam it hit me, I was supposed to end my life. So I remembered why I was holding rope and I threw it over the pipe in my basement and tied it to my head and set up a chair, then I couldn’t remember if I erased the porn off my phone and computer so I went over and erased all of that stuff and forgot what I was going to do and so I masturbated to the remaining porn. At the end of the porn video I saw the words “the end” and it hit me again, I was supposed to kill myself, but after orgasming I was too tired, so I went to sleep. I woke up the next day with a rope tied around my neck and dirty tissues, it was at that point I just gave up on giving up on life. I ended up on ADD meds and now I am all good and I don’t quit anything anymore. So I guess the moral of the story is never give up or quit unless it is to quit killing yourself and also fuck coach Madder.”

We at MediaPub.Live want you to live life to the fullest and laugh a lot while doing it. Remember no matter what you do in life, you never make it out alive, so enjoy the ride. Seek help if you need it because it is a sign of strength and your future self will thank you and oh yeah, fuck coach Madder.

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