Elon and Zuckerberg Fight Triggers World Record Discovery

In the lead up to their big cage match, which conflicting reports indicate may take place in Rome, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk have been trading shots on social media to help hype the fight. Elon even went so far as to challenge Mark Zuckerberg to a literal dick measuring contest, a challenge that the Zuck begrudgingly accepted. To demonstrate his confidence, Elon then went on X (formerly Twitter) and posted a video of him doing a series of cock pushups. Talk about an alpha move from the Tesla and SpaceX founder. Per a source in his inner circle, Zuckerberg reportedly then spent the next few weeks standing in front of a mirror, tugging on his salami in hopes of “adding a few inches”. There was no word on whether or not his actions were successful. The day of the dick measuring contest arrived, a large crowd of Tesla and Meta employees and their families were brought in to witness the occasion, and both men took the stage to a mixture of raucous applause and belligerent booing. Elon wore a pair of tear-away pants, and immediately ripped them off with gusto, waggling his personal BFR in the faces of the excited attendees.  Zuckerberg was less inclined to take his pants off, dealing with a bout of stage fright until the pressure from the crowd became too much and he relented. In the end, it was much closer than expected, and a judge was brought in with a tape measure to give an official ruling. However, as the judge sized them up, the gasping crowd parted to allow Jeff Bezos to make a surprise appearance with his entourage. Bezos climbed on stage, grabbed the mic and declared himself the winner. He then ripped off his shirt revealing the name “Blue Origin” Painted on his chest. The judge measured him from the tip of his head to toe, and it proved true, Jeff Bezos was in fact the biggest dick on the stage. That wasn’t the end of the event though, as word spread of Bezos’ victory The Guinness Book of world records looked into it and at 5’ 7.5”, Jeff Bezos is the biggest dick on record in the world. When asked if she was proud of her new fiancee, Lauren Sanchez had this to say, “someone give my number to Leonardo Dicaprio. Leo, call me”. It is believed Bezos is commemorating the event by getting himself a six foot “life-sized” trophy shaped like his body.