Elon Musk Buys Entire Alphabet

As Musk proceeds to slowly slither his way through the world, changing Twitter to just ‘X’ a few months ago, he has turned the corporate world on its ear once again. He has decided to purchase every letter in the alphabet.  His goal is simple—create a new business using each letter, while at the same time, stopping companies like Dunkin Donuts, who have already shortened to Dunkin’ from shortening to just the letter ‘D’, and creating his own alphabetic monopoly.

This unforeseen move will force other already established brick and morter companies

figure out ways to shorten their own companies’ name and not copy Elon Musk’s fake brilliance.

In the coming weeks, Tesla is expected to become ’T’, his space company just to become ’S,’ beating America’s other coffee giant, Starbucks, to the punch, not allowing them to use just that same letter.

It’s been confirmed he has secured the letters M and E already,  just so he can accentuate his selfishness (M.E.), and potentially branch out into two letter named companies down the road.  Because, of course he did.

Finally, the education community is up in arms because since Elon Musk is buying up the whole alphabet, and trademarking every letter, each school district will need to pay him whenever they print out the alphabet for teachers and students to use in the classroom.  Insanity.

When will it end?  Well, If Musk has a choice——he has twenty-two letters to go.