Everyone Gets Laid Off Starting Friday

After further discussions at the state and federal level, the US is taking a firm stance to lay off anyone employed at any company in the private or government sector. None of you will have jobs as of Friday. However, all who were formerly employed will now receive $250K per year for life with health insurance and a hefty pension (funded by China and California). This was an idea by a guy named Herbert Jonas (sort of related to the Jonas brothers). We spoke with Herbert and here is what he had to say, “I don’t want to work anymore, but I want to get paid…this solution seems like it will work for me and work for many others…so far nobody is unhappy.”