Finger Cutter

By Jack Firestone

Convicted murderer Robert Cutter from West Elm High School has come clean to his murders in a book titled All Fingers Point to Me. Robert explained “I was the woodshop teacher for the last 25 years and just started my final year and had a terrible accident. I lost the last three fingers I had in a table saw accident, which is why I always say do as I say not as I do. I fell into a deep depression and couldn’t cope like I used to, by giving those a-holes the middle finger. The depression caused me to kill a few people in what I point to as a simple misunderstanding. You can count on my hand how many people I have had issues with before my accident. The new art teacher asked me to cover her class and when she told me they were working on finger painting I just lost it. When I walked into the sign language class by mistake, I saw the teacher wiggling her fingers to the kids, I assumed she was teasing me for having none. At least I didn’t kill the crossing guard like I had planned after she mocked me, or so I thought.” He went on to say. “I hope this explains why I did what I did, I got my fingers, er I mean arms crossed I get a new trial.”