Florida Nude Beaches & Guns at Risk

In a move to demonstrate a strong man political image and follow through on his public school stance against “porn,” Florida governor Ron DeSantis ordered the Air National Guard to begin monitoring “clothing optional” beaches.

Nude sunbathers reported increased drone activity at Haulover Beach, a publicly sanctioned nude breach by Miami-Dade County.

“Usually we see a handful of drones flyby to capture peekaboo shots of the nude beach,” stated Richard Long of Hollywood, who prefers to go by Dick. “These drones have been just circling over us blocking our sun and creating some awful tan lines.”

The South Florida Free Beaches (SFFB) organization fears that all of the work that they put in to create more natural environments in the state will be revoked  by the Governor. In response to the governors clampdown on Florida residents freedoms, SFFB  has garnered widespread support from teachers unions and even the NRA.

“First they took away our books, now they’re monitoring our beaches,” exclaimed Raynard Gunn of Sunrise and member of the Broward County NRA. “What will they take away next? Our guns!?!?!!? Hell no!!!!”

Gunn coincidentally is also a frequent visitor to Haulover Beach. He has posted dozens of photos of his beach going activities and his gun collection on his Instagram account naked_raygunn_954.

Dick Long and Ray Gunn are planning to raise awareness to the government threat on their liberties by organizing a statewide march from Key West to the capital in Tallahassee called the “Naked Gun Walk for Florida Freedoms.”  Liam Neeson is set to participate in the event in protest of the recent attack on Florida freedoms and in support of a new Naked Gun film reboot which he will star in. Another Naked Gun franchise actor OJ Simpson is reportedly trying to pry his way back into the spotlight through this event by offering to drive a SAG (support and gear) vehicle during the march with his updated hybrid electric, white Ford Bronco.