Free The Stones
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What’s the latest trend in Hollywood?
FREE THE NIPPLE!!!
You read it right. Free The Nipple.
Sheer nylon, lace, cellophane, and any other fabric that you can see through is all the rage in La-La Land.
From Kim Kardashian to Olivia Wilde. From Heidi Klum to Teyonah Parris. From Gemma Chan to Helen Mirren. A-List Celebrity Leading Ladies have decided to almost bare all and show what they’ve got on the red carpet.
Not to be outdone, A-List Celebrity Fellas have started their own movement.
While showing off male nipples wouldn’t really shock anyone, these Hollywood Hunks have gone south for the viewing.
FREE THE TESTICLE!!!
From Vin Diesel to Chris Pratt. From Anthony Mackie to John Cena. From Simu Liu to Sir Anthony Hopkins. Leading men have decided that the starlets of Tinsel Town won’t be the only ones to draw wide-eyed gawks and gazes at premiers this season.
Whether it’s a mesh banana-hammock or a nylon apples-sack, these La La Land Hunks are almost baring the full view of their silver bells hanging from their ding-a-lings for all to see.
“It’s fashion the same to all the people,” says designer Futte Gigigilatte. “Why would only the girls get to, you, have all of the nipples out to show to the, you know, the men and the other people, you know? If the men want to show, you know, the testes, let them do it. It’s sexy, no? Yes! Yes, it is sexy! Not to me. But maybe to me. I don’t know. Don’t be so silly, you know.”
Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O (of Jack Ass fame) are developing their own line of sackless shorts.
It’s only fair that men should be able to show more and fashion designers should get more involved with creating more stylist and comfortable modern Speedo Meat bathing suits and comfortable nut hugger cradle your balls pouch boxers. Jewelers should also collaborate on some accessories for the family jewels and let’s not forget the twig and berry crowd will need something to get more likes on their social pages.
You can’t see John Cena, but you CAN see Cena’s sack.
I’ll be the first person to buy some sackless shorts. Free My Nuts!
“Why not both?”
– Caitlyn Jenner