Genital Recognition Helps with Cyber Security

A new tech company out of Portland called Ballseezer Technologies has developed a scanning device that will provide a full genital scan of your “privates’ with infrared rays. The scanning process allows it to be done while your clothing is on. The technology process has only one small risk, fire. This has only happened on a few occassions; however, the current device going to market has scanned many men’s privates across the US. It also provides datapoints related to size etc. If you are introverted you can expect to be getting a ranking called, “Little Guys”. In any event, this new technology is a fun and hysterical way to identify the bad guys. The founder of the company is a retired Urologist. We spoke with Dr. Retsalf and here is what he had to say, “I made the device so it only works on men…sure, I was a pervert during my career and am now an even bigger one…the good news, I am getting all the bad guys off the streets….and the Little Guys!”