Group of Disillusioned People Bring Class-Action Lawsuit Against the Mayans

A group of disillusioned, depressed, and downright disappointed folks have brought a class-action lawsuit against The Mayans and their entire culture, for a complete failure to carry out the destruction of the world in 2012.  Filed in the district court of Columbia, the suit alleges that the Mayans falsely promised the end of the world at the culmination of 2012-yet we are more than a decade passed and the world still seems to be chugging along- and thus they owe damages in the amount of $100 trillion to the folks who expected to be dead a long time ago. The suit has gathered more than 40% of America, most of whom had filed various individual lawsuits in circuit courts across the country. A few of them stepped forward to share their stories with the press, in hopes of garnering public support before the issue heads to court. Ira Polaski, a 65 year-old Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Master from Portland had filed an individual suit alleging that he was supposed to go out on top of the world in 2012, having sold all of his possessions in preparation for the end, “but I was left naked and homeless, and running through a large cornfield. Fuck the Mayans. They lied. They owe me.” Richard Head, a 41 year old call-center employee had an individual suit in Roseville, because, “the world was ending, I was sure they were going to die anyway, so I just took a few people out early. I did them a favor really. But those lyin’ Mayans fucked me over. We’re still here and I’m in fucking jail. They need to pay for my defense team. Bastards.” Lilly Von Shtoop, 60s, filed suit in Rockridge, “the Mayans promised the end of the world, and I was so damn tired then, think of how tired I am now. I’m worn out. You could land a jumbo jet down there. I need a bweak. This is bullshit. I want my money.” There are thousands of similar stories, and now they have strength in numbers and real hope of bringing the Mayans to justice, at least in civil court. If you or anyone you know was fucked over by the Mayans and their false predictions of world destruction, you can reach out to the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe to join the suit.