Hallmark Christmas Review
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Don’t have time to watch all the Hallmark Christmas movies, or even just one? Well then this is for you. Here’s the summary of all of them…
Hailey Leigh McWhite left her small town of 14 people to become a CEO of a Billion-dollar company and found success in every way, except for finding true love. She returns home to find a small cafe, and prepares and drinks chamomile tea for 30 minutes to make up for lack of any real storyline. Then she tries to reunite her alcoholic father who abandoned her, with her mother (who now identifies herself as a tree from the dimension Borkja IV) and rebuild their candlestick repair business. She also finds herself rekindling her feelings for her first love, Joshua, an out of work handyman who found his calling crafting little skateboards for opossums who lost their hind legs. Meanwhile, she has to stop the local soup kitchen from being foreclosed by Walmart who wants to convert it into a MegaWalmart, but with no employees and only self-checkout stands, since there are only 14 people in town. She does all this while trying not to encounter a single minority, in this 90-minute snooze fest sponsored by Nyquil and Tampax.
*All Hallmark movies miss the mark, and is similar to watching blind monkeys throw feces and Olive Garden pasta at each other. It’d be more interesting to watch two T-Rexes attempt to give each other hand jobs in slow motion to Richard Marx music, if that was on another channel.
