Harvey Weinstein Granted Immediate Transfer After Successful Transition Surgery

In a move that shocked both his victims and the general public, Harvey Weinstein was granted an immediate transfer out of Mohawk Correctional Facility in New York today after undergoing a successful transition surgery. Weinstein, the convicted rapist and sexual assaulter, as well as, former Miramax boss, underwent a successful radical surgical procedure to complete his transition from human to massive cockroach, and then was subsequently transferred to a Queens apartment and tossed under the fridge. The judge in the case, the Hon. Hue Gedouche granted the transfer request after seeing a post-op Weinstein, noting that he seemed less disgusting in his new form and clearly no longer posed a threat to sexually assault or rape anyone. “He will still freak you out, I mean, he’s a roach and nobody likes those. But he poses no threat to assault anything other than people’s appetites,” the judge wrote in his brief. The Queens apartment, also classified as a medium security facility, was selected for it’s unique odors, a general lack of cleanliness and the 50/50 odds that Roachstein might get squashed on any given day. Weinstein had a long history of abusing his power to manipulate and assault women in the film industry, and somewhere along the line he started developing roach like skin and innards. Some suggest he may have always had the roach innards, but the science is still out on that. Transition surgery was an inevitable conclusion, and now there can be absolutely no doubt about how disgusting he truly is. Victim reactions have been mixed, but an Orkin man was sent to the building anonymously suggesting that at least one person is planning to exact some revenge on Weinstein if he comes out from under the fridge. In related news, there was no decision on whether Weinstein’s transition to Roach ends his co-ownership of the film Dogma, but fans of the film have not given up hope that it will one day see the streaming world or even a DVD re-release.