Herschel Walker is An Influence on Other Candidates

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Although he did not win his bid for Senator, Herschel Walker has sparked a burning flame of political engrossment in Donald Gormlessey.  Gormlessey, a Linebacker at Apple County Community College, will be graduating this coming Spring and, from influence he credits to Walker, has decided to pursue a career in politics. Most recently Mediapublive did an interview with Donald and the great Herschel Walker

MLP: It’s good to meet you, Donald.  Gormlessey: Please. Call me “Dunk.”

MLP: What is “Dunk” short for? Gormlessey: Dunkin Donuts.

MLP: Are you a big fan of donuts? Gormlessey: No.

MLP: Are you just a big fan of Dunkin Donuts? Gormlessey: No.

MLP: I’m a little confused. Gormlessey: “Dunk” is short for Dunkin Donuts. I just think “Dunk” sounds cool.

MLP: OK. Let’s discuss this decision you’ve made to go into politics. You credit Herschel Walker as an influence as to your decision to enter the political realm. In what capacity are you wanting to get involved? Gormlessey: Whoa. First of all, let’s just say that when I saw Herschel Walker run for President, I thought, well if he can do it… so can I. I played football in college, too.

MLP: You do know that he ran for Senator. Not President. Right? Gormlessey: Agree to disagree.

MLP: What role do you want to play in politics? Gormlessey: First of all, I don’t feel politics is, quote-unquote, play. I think it is, quote-unquote, serious. And also, I’m not exactly sure what you mean.

MLP: I guess I’m asking what job do you want to pursue? Gormlessey: Politics.

MLP: I mean, what role? Mayor? Councilman? City Council? Gormlessey: Governor.

MLP: Really? Governor of Texas? Gormlessey: No. Governor of Apple County.

MLP: Dunk. You do know that there is no such thing as Governor of Apple County? Gormlessey: Yet.

MLP: OK. Let me ask you your opinion on some issues. Let me ask where you stand on the Border. Gormlessey: Well, I live in Texas. So, I guess that I stand on the, quote-unquote, North side of the Border.  

MLP: What about LGBTQ rights? Gormlessey: Excuse me! I am an adult. I do not appreciate you spelling things out to me like a, quote-unquote, child. And I am not sure what you’re trying to spell, but I’m pretty sure you’re spelling it wrong. I cannot even make out what word you’re trying to S-A-Y.

MLP: OK. Sorry, I guess. Well what is your opinion on Roe versus Wade? Gormlessey: I prefer to float.

MLP: I think we’re done here.

We could not complete the interview since Gormlessey requested to mud wrestle the MLP journalist. They did wrestle for 9 minutes and Gormlessey is now at a local hospital in Texas getting his 3^rd lobotomy. Oddly enough, he was the one that requested it. He stated, “I am a masochist and want my frontal lobes stirred as often as possible!”

Big thanks to roving reporter Jel Michaels for covering this story!