Homeless Helpers Enjoy College Life
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Brave Heart College is in the heart of two serious issues, rising homelessness and campus crimes. Brave Heart President Paul Belding has come up with a unique idea to kill two birds with one stone. Mr. Belding has put aside a dorm that was getting ready to be demolished and has set it aside for volunteer homeless people. In return for shelter they are being asked to escort students across campus at all hours of the day, but it’s mostly at night. Which is great because most of these homeless people are night owls.
The plan worked great initially as homeless people with Campus IDs were seen all over the campus walking with young students to their destination. In fact, campus crime went down 78% would be down to zero if it wasn’t for Beta house’s date rape night, which Belding has assured us was not school sanction. Those girls at the Beta house can be quite aggressive. Things started to turn as the kids got more comfortable with the volunteers. Chad Parker a junior marketing major told us “We got really close with these guys, to the point where many were starting to stay over on our futons for the night. Things turned when we noticed our marijuana stash was dwindling at a very unsettling pace. At first, we started to blame the Beta Bitches, until we realized that our volunteer friends were baked all the time. Please don’t print that thing about the Beta Bitches, I still am recovering from that date rape nights (he pointed to his Butt where he had an ice pack secured to it).” He went on to say “We started accusing them of stealing from us and then they started to panic, which happens to be a side effect of our dope. They then started to not trust everyone and stopped showing up when paged to walk people across campus.”
The program had to be shut down after the dorm was demolished. President Belding shared with us “I could have sworn I canceled the demolition. My memory is still off after being roofied at the Beta house. The good news is at least 6 of the 45 homeless people survived “
