Not really satire.

Not really satire.

Comedy News

INNOCENT BYSTANDERS GET GREAT FOOTAGE AS CRIME COMMITTED

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Around 3 p.m. PST, four fit and capable fraternity brothers from the local Alpha Sigma Sigma chapter captured some “wicked footage” for their Tik Tok, Instagram and other social media accounts, of an elderly Barbara Benson as she was mugged right in front of them. When police and emergency responders arrived on the scene, the men proudly announced that they had caught the whole thing on video. When asked why they did not intervene and help the woman, a seventy-six year old widow who volunteers at the nearby homeless shelter, as she had her purse forcibly taken no more than a few feet away, one man responded, “dude, we were way closer than that. Check the ‘gram and the crazy close-ups I got. Going viral for sure.” Mrs. Benson was treated at a nearby hospital and later released with only minor injuries, her purse has not been recovered and the investigation is ongoing. A GoFundMe account was set up in her name and raised 4 million dollars in the first three hours before it was shut down. Mrs. Benson plans to retire in Italy after paying off her medical bills and mortgage. The four frat bro’s were detained for criminal negligence, but were later released on bond as all of their fathers turned out to be high powered attorneys. A.S.S. fraternity representatives said they were aware of the incident and ongoing investigation but refused to comment on record until it was resolved legally. The phones used for filming were confiscated as evidence; however police have turned to social media for help in identifying the Mugger, who was not the focus of the footage.  If you or anyone you know has seen the videos and has any information, please dial 911.

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