Issues at The Diocese

On a national level the Roman Catholic community and local dioceses have been plagued with all kinds of corruption…. molestation….financial mismanagement……however, an even larger issue has surfaced.

Local Roman Catholic churches all over the US often serve free dinners to the community in hopes to gain new members. However, there has been an influx of people in attendance the last few months. Oddly, the groups showing up all looked similar…….similar persona and often complaining the food isn’t hot enough……or not what they really wanted that evening. This situation made its way up to local leaders in the system and has even made its way to Bishops of the highest rank.  

One Archbishop had this to say, “These people are taking over the kitchens and all this great food…..and honestly, they are driving me nuts and asking for things nobody asks for..…at this point I would call it kvetching”!

After further investigation it has been determined that a large population of people of Jewish faith have found out about these weekly membership events. Marty Goldberg had this to say, “Look, I am a proud jew and proud of my people…I get all the stereotypes….some I don’t appreciate….food however…when I knew I could score a free meal…..I put on some ratty clothes and grew a along ass beard…the result has been free weekly meals….they have some real good shit there…however, the beef was really tough last week…and finally, I am eating pork again”! Never felt better…I mean fatter in my entire life.

The good news, many Jewish people are converting to the catholic church. Stan Goldsmith had this to say, “Look, the food is free and the porter house steak is gonna keep me here a long time…with that said, I have never been so fat”. Lastly, there is now a hybrid religion where Jewish people are now showing the Catholics how to cook. In fact, a new deli opened inside the church called “Obrienberg Farms”. Even the priest stated, “The cornbeef is legit”!