Kids?

By Jack Firestone

Ted Emmerson hates kids, with a passion. He hated kids so much that when he sees kids with their parents, he often asks if they have ever considered putting up their kids for adoption? You might think that is the craziest thing you ever heard, however Ted recently took this to a whole new level.

Last year Ted went to his local police station and asked to register. The employee said that they do not register people to vote at this location, however Ted explained that he wanted to register as a sex offender. Fillmore police station granted his wish and Ted could not be anymore happier. He no longer can be within 50 feet of kids and he puts up a sign every October that says, “Sex offender lives here” and happily reports never getting a trick or treater. While this has severely impaired his love life but at least now he never has to worry about dating a woman with or even thinking about having kids.