Life Coach

Life Coach, “And so it’s all about accountability.  It has to be you and only you.”

Me, “I totally agree with that.  For the most part.  I guess, kind of.  I mean I do still have many fake profiles on Facebook and Tinder but they make me feel good about myself.”

Life Coach, “No no no.  It has to be you!  Don’t you see?  Otherwise, what does…”

Me, “Hang on.  My Fitbit app just notified me… that my dog just finished walking 1.5 miles for me!  Good job Wyatt!!”

Life Coach, “Wait, you have your Fitbit tied to your dog and you take credit for it?”

Me, “Yes, we are a team!  And there is no ‘I’ in team.  He’s a good dog!  I call him Wyatt and he calls me Doc.”

Life Coach, “You know what?  I can’t do this anymore!  Why do we even bother!  You completely ignore everything I ever tell you and it’s a mockery of my profession!  I mean, tell me, why do you even pay me?  Why?”

Me, “Alright.  It’s because of your name.

Life Coach, “Luka Sikh Jr. PhD?”

Me, “Yeah but I just pronounce it slightly differently and tell people that my life coach is Lou Gossett Jr.”

Life Coach, “Well son of a bitch!”

Me, “Sorry are you firing me?”

Life Coach, “…… No, I guess not and he is still a very sexy man.  And we are both very bald and very tan yes.”

Me, “You sir are an officer and a gentleman.”