Magic 8 Ball

Judge Philip Testerini has been shaking up the justice system for the last forty years. Judge Testerini has decided it is time for him to hang up his robe for the last time and is set to retire from the bench. We reached out to Justice Testerini and asked him for an interview and his weird response was “Outlook Good”. So we reached out to Justice Testerini to have him explain his justice philosophy and what made him such a different kind of judge and he said, “I actually never graduated from law school and somehow got appointed to the bench for some reason. I had no idea what the heck I was doing and I would have all of my decisions questioned after the fact and many times overturned. I was complaining to my wife one night long ago and I saw my kids playing with a Magic 8 Ball and that is when I came up with my brilliant plan. The plan was to have the Magic 8 Ball make all my decisions. Sure it made for some interesting court room scenes, especially when I answered with a Ask Again Later or Better not tell you Now response, but what I found was that I was getting less of my decisions reversed by the higher courts so I was much better off. I do remember the day I forgot the Magic 8 Ball and had to use the dice I had and boy did that cause a ruckus. I was shaking the dice to make a decision on admitting a tape in a child porn case and they started accusing me of pleasuring myself under the desk. After they dropped the charges I went back to the 8 Ball with amazing success. When I asked the 8 Ball if I should continue to use it or learn the law, it said Signs Point to Yes. I considered retiring 10 years ago but the 8 Ball continually said, My reply is No or Very Doubtful, but last year it came up It Is Certain and so now that is why I am hanging up my Robe.”

It should be known that to this day no one has ever seen the dice that Justice Testerini claims he was shaking while watching kid porn. There have been many witnesses who do believe they saw him with a bottle of KY jelly but there was no proof of that and therefore the charges were dropped. Justice Testerini will now spend time volunteering with young boys at his local YMCA.