MAN SCRAMBLES TO SAVE DATE AS INTERNET GOES DOWN

In what can only be described as a tense situation, a local man fought to save his dignity, and date, after the internet in his neighborhood inexplicably crashed. When Joe Dante’s incredibly hot neighbor accepted his invitation to “Netflix and chill” he knew he was all but assured a great night. He even went so far as to purchase cheap wine, cheese and crackers, and contraceptives, in an effort to appear to be a classy guy. However, at 8:37 pm EST, just as he and Hot Neighbor sunk into the couch to watch another one of those movies starring Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper, tragedy struck and the internet went down. With the loading wheel spinning, and his date getting restless, Joe dialed his cable company only to find that a twelve block radius was experiencing an outage indefinitely. Across town a drunk driver had struck a cable box, unleashing the disaster. For twenty long and agonizing minutes, Joe peppered his guest with his finest small talk, but he could see that she was clearly losing interest. Knowing that he was failing miserably, he went to his last resort and pulled out his phone to show off tik toks of his pet Iguana, Iggy, who had passed nearly a decade ago, but still had some effectiveness as a closing move. All reports are that she may still be suffering through photos at this moment.

UPDATE: After the most uncomfortable hour of their lives, Joe’s internet finally kicked back on. Despite attempting to leave the apartment on more than one occasion, only to be met by Joe’s stall tactics, Hot Neighbor decided to stay.

UPDATE 2: All’s dark and quiet in the Dante apartment, Hot Neighbor reportedly did not leave. Netflix and chill wins again.