Masking Tape and Scotch Tape Companies to Combine Forces: Mock Tape

The makers of the two most popular tapes have decided to create a tape that doesn’t stick to anything, but they have done so just to shut people up.  Mock tape look, smells, and dispenses the same as real tape.  It comes in the same varieties, sold in all the same stores, and labeled simply as Mock Tape.

While some may call the idea pointless, offices can’t keep enough of it in stock.  Two to three times a day, secretaries are asked, ‘Can I borrow your tape?’  That tape never returns.  And, who is the last person in ANY office setting you want to piss off?  That’s right.  The secretaries.  They are the life blood of any office running efficiently, and deserve better.

The philosophy behind the creation of this tape is simple—you won’t borrow my stuff anymore if I give you stuff that doesn’t work.  It was created in the same vein as couples who bitch because dishes aren’t loaded in the dishwasher properly.  If they’re not loaded properly, my significant other will leave me alone.  If I lend out crappy tape, people will leave me alone so I can do my damn job.

Directions Upon Lending Tape:  Walk away and don’t look back.

Problem solved.  You’re welcome.