Maximus

I hate it when I go looking for a staple remover and end up on a date with a Puerto Rican guy named Maximus.

So, at work, I was looking for the staple remover, and Sally said she saw it in the copy room. When I got there, Huy said he saw it last in the kitchen. When I got to the kitchen, Sunny was there and she’s really cute and that caught me off guard. Without even thinking, I said, “Hello there” and winked at her, which is very weird because I never wink and it freaked both of us out. So, then I had to pretend all day that I had a weird eye twitch due to a rare 24 hour virus, so she wouldn’t think I actually winked at her. But then I forget which eye I winked with so I kind of had to alternate twitching both eyes, so everyone in the office would tell Sunny that “yeah, Steven had some weird eye twitch thing going on today” and so I wouldn’t look like I winked at her. So, then all the blinking made me tear up a lot and so I was losing too much water via my eyeballs and so I was getting thirsty and I’ve been drinking lots of water today. And also, this led me to go to the bathroom a LOT and, but then the last time I was there, I couldn’t stop twitching with my left eye and of course who comes into the stall to the left of me? The new intern Maximus, who barely speaks English and is very pretty for a man. Well, I couldn’t stop winking at him, and then so he winked back at me. And this consensual winking went on for 3 minutes. Then next thing I knew he was speaking Puerto Rican to me, and I don’t speak Puerto Rican at all, but luckily I do speak Mexican because I took Mexican for 2 years in High School in a Mexican part of town in Los Angeles, which happens to the Mexican for “The Angeles.” But I’m not sure what Angeles is, but I don’t think that’s English. But anyways he told me a few wonderful things and I was blushing and flushing, and next thing I knew he said either “Pelicula” or “Bunnicula” and so I thought he said “Pelicula” because “Bunnicula” wouldn’t make any sense. Well, Pelicula of course is Puerto Rican for “movies.”

And so tonight, I have a date with a Puerto Rican guy named Maximus.