Mega Mall Flowing with Santa’s
Share
It’s that time of year, Santa is coming to town an to a mall near you. However, unemployment is at an all-time low and finding good ol’ St. Nick has become quite the trick. William Butterfield, manager of the Mega Mall of Oklahoma City has come up with what he calls a brilliant plan. Bill as he likes to be called, explained, “Finding reliable workers who will show up has become very difficult, so we think we found the answer when it comes to having Santa show up for the kids. We have started hiring accused and sometimes formerly convicted pedophiles.” Many people including myself have asked Bill why would he hire pedophiles for such a job where so many kids are involved.
Bill says “I get that question all the time, first off not all of them have been convicted. They show up every day and sometimes even stay late, even when it’s not asked of them. Secondly, they love kids, sometimes a little too much but remember their parents are always 5 feet away. Third the Santa’s are very good with kids and finding out what they want for Christmas, which helps the parents immensely. Sure, I had to fire one because of an incident, but I definitely believe he told me he didn’t know there was a huge hole in his pants. It is the reason we require all of the Santa’s to wear underwear from now on.”
This program has been so successful, that they have had to turn away would be Santa’s. The community was not pleased when they heard about the practice, but the Sheriff’s office loves this trend. Captain O’ Malley Reported “Our police officers do not have to go searching for pedophiles anymore, in fact, these sickos basically come to us. Pedophilia is now around 50% in our town, who can argue with that. Cool fact, we direct a lot of these Santa’s to a brothel in Reno that serves this population.”
The Mega Mall is even advertising that they have the best hands on Santa’s in town and they hope to see you and your kids soon.
