Mime Shhhhhh

By Jack Firestone

A new school is making a lot of noise, well sort of in St. Louis, Missouri. The Marcel Marceau school of Mime has opened up in an empty lot in a suburban area of St. Louis. The interesting thing  is that even though  there is no doors everybody enters through an imaginary door facing the street. We reached out to Michael Spate, Principal of the school for comment about this new school. He said absolutely nothing but he did hand me a business card from the head of public relations who we also reached out to, Mark Handsley and he explained, “ Our school is a state of the art facility for miming, no other school in the mime world has the updated tools they we have. Some schools use a box where mimes have to get out of, but we have an outside the box mentality and because of that we use a rectangle. Most places have regular doors, not us, we have a revolving door because we are better. All the other schools are one floor, not us not even close, we have 5 floors. Be very careful not to get stuck on the third floor as that is a dedicated maze room and you might get lost in there.” 

Mark invited me to check out the facility and I was floored, mostly because the mime behind me pushed me through the invisible revolving door. Another student picked me up, dusted me off and took my imaginary luggage and went down to the fake basement. Everybody at the school looked happy or at least their makeup had a smile drawn on their faces to make them look happy. However, I did come across a depressed mime who was attempting to jump off the roof of their building. I am not sure I will get that image out of my head as he jumped out the imaginary window which he struggled to open and proceeded to jump 3 feet up and out to his fake demise.

There are rumors that the principal is also having an affair with one of his students as passerby saw him pretend to sneak a mime into his office and under his desk. This may explain the pending charges for indecent exposure among other things. His attorney claims that he is an excellent client because always remains silent.