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Not really satire.

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Missing Man Found in Wrigley Field Scoreboard

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Dateline:  Chicago, IL    May 31, 2023 (Co-Authored by Harvey Mudd)

A 62-year-old Chicago man was found alive and well living in hiding of all places in the historic Wrigley Field scoreboard.

Charles Grimm III, the great grandson of legendary Chicago Cubs manager Charlie Grimm was found alive and well by a maintenance crew living in a “cubbie” in the 8th inning pocket of the last row of the American League scores on this historic hand operated scoreboard.

“We have been searching for my father for the last 3 years, ever since the start of the pandemic” says daughter Mindi Kempton of Ashville, North Carolina. “He went into a deep depression that everything was messed up during Covid, including how it impacted the baseball schedule.  As a lifelong Chicago Cubs fan, he knew of the secret hideouts from when he was a child hanging out with his grandfather at work.”

“It is a great way to live rent free. It did get cold during the winter months, but I found old tarps to make a tent.  And during the season, I got to see all of the Cubs home games and live like a king as its amazing how many hot dogs and bratwursts get thrown out after each game.  I just waited until dark and would raid the bins.  Unlimited beer too.  I actually think the clubs should offer this type of fan experience as a preferred season ticket package too” said Grimm.

His grandfather, the late Charlie Grimm managed the ballclub twice and leading them to the National League pennant in both 1932, 1938 and in 1945.

Mr. Grimm faces trespassing charges, but it appears that the Chicago Cubs are not going to press formal charges, but actually invite him to sing the 7th inning stretch tradition “Take me out to the ballgame” at an upcoming Cubs game on August 18th.

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