New Mega Billions Conference – OPAC 4+

After the flight of the top universities of the Pac-12 conference to the BigTen, the last remaining teams have joined a brand new Mega Billions Conference, slated to be called the OPAC 4+. The “O” is supposed to stand for “Original” as 3 of the 4 schools were original founding members of the Pacific Coast Conference, however many believe that the “O” stands for Oil. The increase in funds to all athletic teams is also bringing elation to parents of student athletes who are calling the deal “O” mazing as many of them will now be able to retire at age 70 without taking out another reverse mortgage.

Although the exact funding source has not yet been disclosed, the terms for joining the conference are particularly peculiar for a sporting conference, even having clues pointing to a possible case of Sportswashing.

Each school will receive the following generous compensation for the televised rights for all major sporting events on the AJ+ network:

• Annual revenue of $100M per year with $5M escalators annually, unbound; Which is over 3x the rate that both Washington and Oregon signed up to receive from the BigTen deal.
• One time endowment donations to place them well ahead of all rival schools;
  • Cal & Stanford will each receive a $50B endowment.
  • Washington State and Oregon State will each receive a $20B endowment.
• Unlimited Fueling Cards at Citgo stations.

Scott Burns, OSU AD, and candidate for the campus presidency excitedly proclaimed, “You want a Civil War, then you got one! OSU is going to not only be filthy rich in the athletic department, but we will have more scholarships to attract the top students away from Eugene and the Swoosh. OSU will be on top of the US News & World Report rankings very soon.”

WSU AD, Pat Chun, added, “How do you like them, Apples? Montlake can continue to suck on their rosés sailgating on the cut, while Cougs will be treated to Wagyu tenderloin on game day in Pullman.” Chun was also reportedly seen driving around Pullman in a brand new Bugatti Chiron.

The terms also require that the schools alter their athletic program and academic curriculum in order to join the OPAC 4+. The schools will agree to the following:

• Offer Division 1 scholarships to every single member of all athletic programs.
• Pay up to $1M in a non-recoverable “draw” for any athlete participating in Name, Image and Likeness marketing activities with the sponsors logos (TBA).
• Revert all sanctioned sport teams in the Athletic Department to the previous teams prior to the enactment of Title 9.
• Purchase only gas powered vehicles for campus use and remove any EV’s from campus property.
• Eliminate the Environmental Engineering, Environmental Law and Environmental Studies degree programs and curricula.
• Eliminate the Women’s / Feminist, Gender and Sexuality Studies departments.
• Offer Study Abroad & Exchange programs with Universidad Central de Venezuela, King Abdulaziz University, University of Sharjah and Qatar University.

No comments have been made by the Chancellors or Provosts of any of the OPAC 4+ universities.

In other regional news, Qatar Airways will offer direct flights from Corvallis to Doha starting in September. Emirates also announced a Pullman to Dubai route with a similar timeframe.