New Policy at Hotels

The American Hotel Chains of America is trying to institute a new policy for all hotel chains.  Jack Ulait, head of the AHCA spoke about their desired new policy, “We are fed up with men constantly masturbating in our hotel rooms, more specifically, doing it and not cleaning up afterwords. It’s hard enough to keep our maids happy with just cleaning the rooms without all of masturbation mess. It is a problem we created and was tolerated when we could sell the pay per view in room adult movies, but without the income, it’s just not worth it. The internet has killed our revenue stream and is the main reason for our desire to add this new rule. There have been suggestions that we spread rumors of hidden cameras to scare off the male tuggers, but that has not slowed down the problem. We have decided to encourage our staff to recommend local escorts or massage parlors that will do the trick. We find that escorts are more willing to clean up than if a man was left alone to do it by themselves. Hopefully our discount for couples or roommates will also lead to less self-play. So far nothing has worked, and the only upside is that we have a new revenue stream with our new product ad placement of Kleenex tissues bedside. Our last ditch effort is to have every hotel have one room randomly selected to have hidden cameras where people can be filmed and sold over the internet. The best part is that we are covered by the fine print that tells them about this but nobody reads it.”