New Walmart Policy Activated
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Walmart continues to thrive in this crazy economy in the retail sector driving prices down, resulting in customer loyalty. However, with loyalty comes shoppers that can’t help but drive-up in store theft.
Walmart has a current solution being put in place. The current acting CEO had this to say, “We are now making every shopper sign a release to allow Walmart security to search your home 1 hour after you have shopped……it is hilarious, once we found 47 squirt guns and real bullets in someone’s home….they had no explanation other than they were writing a sketch for some dumb ass company called MediaPubLive……anyways…..we are changing the landscape at Walmart……starting one house at a time!”
Shopper Bill Bixby had this to say, “Of course I haven’t paid for groceries for a full year, with this new rule I am getting better at following the law…however, I am still stealing cars at the dealership down the street….please don’t quote that….dammit!”
“This is exactly what our Founding Fathers’ had in mind when they wrote the Fourth Amendment,” said civil rights attorney D. Roger Walstrup, Jr. “George, Thomas and that whole gang understood that if your dumb enough to let people steal from you by trying to save a few bucks with self checkout, you deserve the theft. The Fourth Amendment prevents WalMart from enforcing these terms. Every first year law student knows that. No case is a slam dunk but I’ve been practicing my windmills and I promise to stop dunking next year” Attorney Walstrup” (5’2″ tall…122LBS….does not like the color blue).
